Kate Hackett
Sleeping arrangements in couples are a pretty personal thing, so far be it from me to suggest anyone is a jerk for how they choose to sleep.
However, when you have a guest in your home, sometimes reasonable accommodations have to be made! u/NoWork706, for example, ran into an issue with her boyfriend, who just moved in, and a visit from her best friend. She’s struggling to figure out how to arrange people — and frankly flummoxed by her boyfriend’s reaction.
OP’s best friend is visiting soon and the general game plan when she comes is that they sleep in the same bed.
Okay, so I (22F) and my best friend (21F) have been best friends since kindergarten, nearly 2 decades. For the entirety of our friendship, we’ve had sleepovers and when we have sleepovers, we’ve ALWAYS slept in the same bed. That’s simply a staple of our sleepovers, it’s not a sleepover if we don’t. We’re both night owls and even once we’re done with our activities for the night and lay down for sleep, we’ll talk in the dark until we pass out.
But now OP is in a relationship and the dude just moved in. When she mentioned her friend visiting & the plan to take the bed, the boyfriend was really dead-set against it.
Now here’s a speedbump I’ve never thought of: my boyfriend just moved in with me fairly recently and my best friend and I have arranged a sleepover. I casually say to my boyfriend: “Hey, (best friend) is coming over, so would you be alright if we took the bed and you sleep in the living room?”
He refused to even entertain this idea – he said the friend could take the couch and they remain in their own bed.
When I tell you, this man was absolutely AGHAST. He says, “Orrrrr (best friend) can sleep in the living room and we sleep in OUR bed?”
This wasn’t really out of left field for OP, so she pivoted and suggested she and the friend stay in the living room.
The fact that he wasn’t cool with wanting to sleep in the living room didn’t really shock me, so I say, “Okay, then (best friend) and I will just sleep in the living room and you can have the bed.”
But! This guy doesn’t like that either. He thinks guests should sleep alone. OP does not. This is making her really uncomfortable.
He doesn’t like that either! He is deadset on the idea that we sleep together and guests sleep seperately. But she’s my BEST FRIEND, this has been the routine for YEARS and I don’t really view it as that big of a deal. Even when I had a fight with my mother when I was 19 and asked if I could stay at her place, she let her boyfriend take their bed and she slept on the tiny ass couch in the living room with me.
I would just feel bizarre being like, “Okay, goodnight!” and leaving her in the living room. I can’t describe it, it’s just weird.
So is she wrong here?
Thoughts? AITA?
Reddit said absolutely not! “I’m actually totally perplexed at the people who “can see the bf’s side” lol. Like what? Maybe if she wasn’t willing to compromise on sleeping in the living room but wtf people. It’s ONE NIGHT, it’s totally unhealthy for the bf to react this way over not getting to sleep with his gf for again ONE NIGHT. That’s a major red flag. I’m 35 and still have “sleepovers” with my friends occasionally and it’s definitely not weird for us to sleep in the same space, and some of my friends are married. Why can’t the bf spend, and let’s say this again, ONE NIGHT, not sleeping next to his gf?” wrote one user.
Another person said, “People who prioritize romantic/sexual relationships over maintaining friendships all the time to the point it’s unhealthy really don’t make sense to me. If he can’t sleep without his girlfriend for one night, that seems like a dependency issue on his part.”
