Kate Hackett
Welcome to the world of “Am I the Asshole”, in which you get to see everyday (and some not-so-everyday) scenarios and decide: is that how I’d behave?
In this one, you’re hitting on the age-old problem: money in relationships. It’s often the source of serious stress on a relationship and spending habits easily clash with values. So, are you wrong to confront your boyfriend? Or is it justified.
u/3DaysGrace_period_ wondered, “AITA for berating my boyfriend about his excessive spending habit?” and the post quickly went viral with thousands of responses — let’s see if she is, in fact, the jerk for this!
About a year ago OP talked to her boyfriend about him buying a new car. They both still live at home and have their finances mostly covered by their parents.
Basic info: Almost a year ago, I (19F) had a talk with my boyfriend (21M) in which he asked for my opinion on if he should buy himself a new vehicle. He already had a car that was provided to him by his parents, whom he still lives with. They also require that he pays for his own phone bill and part of the WiFi bill. I was also living with my parents at the time. We both make the same hourly rate, but he works more hours that I do.
OP thought the idea was a bit reckless since he already had a car. If they were going to move in together soon, spending money on a new car seemed like a bad idea.
When he asked for my opinion on this, I expressed my concern that he already had a vehicle, and that he wanted to move in with me sometime soon. I told him that I strongly didn’t feel as though he needed a new vehicle.
Lo and behold, about two weeks later the boyfriend …bought a new car. The payments are about $600 per month with insurance.
About a week or two after we had this talk, he calls, asking me if I can transport him to a car dealership (he works at). Confused, I ask why. He tells me that he needs me to take him there so that he can pick something up. I go over to his parents’ house to pick him up, and he tells me that he has purchased a Chevrolet Silverado for about $18,500, and that his payments would be ~$600 with insurance.
The boyfriend explains that he wanted a truck, but OP was pretty unhappy with the purchase and hoped he would sell it quickly.
I honestly feel betrayed by this point, and tell him this. His only excuse at the time was that he wanted a truck in case we needed to transport furniture and the like. In the coming months after this, I plead with him to find a way to sell it, so that he would be free of the financial burden.
I should also mention that he blatantly told me one time, that the truck “came into his life like I did.”
She pushed him pretty hard to sell the truck and he called and yelled at her at work about it. He never sold it.
I put (probably too much) pressure on him to do to sell it that he called me at work one day, extremely angry with me that I’m so insistent on him selling it, and yells at me. I eventually had to hang up, as I was crying in front of my coworker.
Nothing ever came of this, and he still insists on keeping his “toy.”
And now he bought a new phone; the old one did have a problem with the microphone, but the expense was pretty hefty and OP is worried they can’t afford it.
Fast-forward to present: He has now bought himself a new phone simply because his old one had an issue with its microphone… for $800: around half of his savings. I’m obviously upset about this as well…
She’s also not sure if this is fair. It is, after all, his own money, but she’s worried he isn’t showing the same care toward their future.
I’ve had several people tell me that I am in the wrong, and others telling me I’m in the right. I do not deny that it his own money. However, I feel as though he has shown no concern for our future, and I am tired of having to be the responsible one by comparison (I have saved over $16,000 and about to purchase my first home, with my parents’ help in covering utility setup).
So, what’s the verdict? Am I simply too concerned about his own decisions?
At this point, they don’t live together and I would wager it’s not entirely fair for OP to want to dictate purchases. But — because they are considering it, it is something the boyfriend should be taking into account.
One Reddit user wrote, “I wouldn’t move in with someone this financially irresponsible. NTA.”
