Bridesmaid Refuses Bride’s Demand To Trade Necklaces And Asks If She Was A Jerk

Another wedding-Related am I the assh*le…

I feel like I just waxed on about how weddings sure seem like they make people crazy in another post rounding up a question on Reddit’s Am I The Assh*le sub and here we are again: another woman wondering if she was a jerk for “refusing to remove a piece of jewelry at the request of my friend on her wedding day?”

BlueRoses95 (yes, that’s the necklace)

Right? Just based on that title alone, I have a hard time finding u/BlueRoses95 to blame whatsoever. Let’s check out her post.

My (31f) friend (30f), we’ll call Mary, got married last week and I was in her bridal party. For context, we are friends from high school and all of her other bridesmaids were her friends from college who I hadn’t met until her Bachelorette party several months ago. I also wasn’t familiar with anyone at this wedding outside of Mary’s immediate family.

We set the scene: a wedding! A friend’s wedding and our OP was in Mary’s bridal party. The OP doesn’t really know many other people, but hey, that’s how it goes sometimes.

I was supposed to attend the wedding with my own fiancé but he contracted Covid 5 days before we were supposed to leave and made the choice to stay home for everyone’s safety (I tested negative and we don’t live together).

Oh no! Well wishes to your fiancé, OP, and hope he recovers from COVID speedily.

Our 5th anniversary of our first date was 2 months ago and he got me a beautiful opal necklace on a gold chain specifically to wear to the wedding because it complimented my bridesmaid dress. I asked Mary in our bridal party group chat if she was alright with us wearing our own jewelry to the wedding, she said no problem.

OP actually ASKED Mary if she could wear her own jewelry, which is a thing I was NOT AWARE OF whatsoever. We have to ask that?? God.

Day of the wedding comes, all of us bridesmaids and Mary meet early in the morning for pictures outside the chapel. Mary sees my necklace and loves it, and actually asked if she could switch her necklace with mine.

Okay, cool, Mary loves the necklace. … and wants to … borrow it?

Some other bridesmaids chime in and say that it would be her “something borrowed.”

Oh right, it would be the something borrowed.

I tried as politely as I could to tell her that my fiancé got this for me to wear to the wedding and especially since he can’t be here, I’d like to keep it on. Mary and the other bridesmaids were persistent, saying it was her wedding and her pictures and I wasn’t being accommodating, but I firmly told them no.

And then they badger the OP who decided, no, she’d rather not take it off because it’s meaningful to her.

Mary then said if I could at least take it off since it looked nicer than her own jewelry.


Again, I told her I’d rather not, I’d like to share the wedding photos of myself in the necklace with my fiancé. She was not happy, neither of the bridesmaids were either. I received a lot of cold shoulders and dirty looks at the ceremony and reception. I felt awful. After the first dance, Mary’s sister came up to me to tell just how upset Mary was and rude it was that I upset her so on her big day.

And then OP, of course, gets ostracized for the rest of the day.

Am I an asshole? It’s been more than a week and I’m still thinking about it nonstop and Mary hasn’t answered any of my texts.

So you and I know there’s no way this woman is an a-hole. Let’s check in with Reddit.


Bless you, LadyGreyIcedTea, “I have absolutely no idea what kind of jewelry anyone wore to my wedding because I was concerned with, you know, getting married. I barely remember the jewelry I wore.”


“NTA. Even if it weren’t a gift from your fiancée, it was your right to say no. Too many brides feel that because it is their wedding that they can demand anything they want from their bridal party and guests. How long before we hear about a bride demanding a kidney from her bridesmaids?” wrote bamf1701.

Zestyclose_Meeting_8 / TappingTheKeys

So totally not the asshole. Yeesh.