Kate Hackett
I think we are all going to remember 2022 as the year everyone got married and was kind of a bunch of douchebags about it.
Because here we are: yet again! With another AITA about a wedding! u/father-of-the-bride recently asked if he was in the wrong “for not paying for my daughter’s wedding because she invited my brother and his family” and y’all, I’m actually torn on this one.
I’ll let OP explain himself and then weigh in as we go.
I’m 46M, my brother 48M.
He starts by letting us know that he and his brother are 46 & 48 and more than TWENTY YEARS ago, his then-girlfriend cheated on him with said brother.
When I was 20, my then girlfriend cheated with my brother. I was heartbroken and pissed. I told him he is no longer my brother.
Okay, sure, I’d be pissed too, but then OP told his family to cut him out? Like, what?
Despite my request, my family didnt cut him off, so I told them that I will never again be in the same place as he is. If they wish to invite both, then they should just invite him as I am the one giving ultimate.
Eventually OP kind of saw reason and recanted a bit; he requested that his family simply not invite him to events his brother will attend. Okay, that’s fine. Fair. Sad, but sure.
My daughter is getting married in spring next year.
Now his daughter is getting married (brace yourself).
In our culture both parents are paying for the wedding, 50/50.
She told OP that she was inviting her uncle and his wife — who is the ex from, again, more than 20 years ago. She’d built a relationship with them and their family.
Unexpectedly, my daughter sat me down and told me that she will be inviting my brother and his family (he married my cheating ex). Apparently, she was seeing them for the last 4 years and built a relationship behind my back. She even wants her cousin to be some kind of flower girl.
OP was furious. He told her that if his brother was there, he would not attend. His daughter pointed out that this was MORE THAN TWENTY YEARS AGO, but OP held firm.
I was pissed. I told her what my boundaries are and if my brother is invited then I will not pay my part of the wedding. She became angry and told me its time to let go of the past. I told her its not her call to make. We argued some more and she told me I am making her wedding about myself. I told her I will probably not even attend so it will be all about her. She left crying.
His ex-wife was furious and his daughter is crushed. His parents were also angry. His GF told him to apologize. So basically, literally everyone is telling him to grow the fuck up.
My ex-wife called me screaming and told me I’m huge AH and our daughter is crushed. Then my parents called, same thing. I told them off and now I’m ignoring their calls. My GF told me to reconsider and appologize. That by not paying and attending I will break relationship with my daughter. I don’t know. I think my boundaries should be respected. Am I asshole for that?
The question is not “should my boundaries be respected” at this point; it’s “are these reasonable boundaries?”
Also, my friend, it’s a fucking wedding; you’ll barely speak to your brother. I think it’s time to just … put something aside for the sake of a loved one. You can pick up your torch after the wedding.
Reddit didn’t really agree with me; a LOT of people voted NTA and while perhaps he’s not a complete dick for having boundaries, I do think he’d a jerk for not being a bigger person for the sake of his daughter.
One person reasonably wrote, “I mean I get it, we shouldn’t condone cheating. However, her cousins had no part in that. It’s not their fault their parents suck. I told my siblings the same thing: I’m not not making relationships with my cousins because of the “sins” of their parents. When our parents die, they’re the family we have. I want to say slight yta bc this is your daughter’s wedding; you don’t even have to talk to him that day.”
