Kate Hackett
This Reddit AITA post actually had me really scratching my head; I don’t know what I would do in this situation or whether or not u/glaucon15 is in the wrong!
He wanted to know “AITA for adopting my dad’s dog when he died, even though my wife didn’t want me to?” and man, that’s TOUGH. When parents and loved ones die, we don’t always think everything through — and that definitely happened here — but there’s also a huge question of: but it’s a DOG.
OP explains that his dad passed away two years ago and left a small, well-behaved cockapoo dog. OP took the dog home.
My dad died of heart failure about two years ago. His long term domestic partner called to tell me he was on the way to the hospital but was certainly deceased. Her health was poor and she died the same day, which I didn’t learn until much later when she was unreachable. I couldn’t get into the house and had to force the door. The dog was obviously orphaned. A cockapoo, small, easy, mild, 9 years old, no problems. I took the liberty of bringing her home.
OP’s wife was very upset about him bringing home a dog without talking to her. OP explains that he couldn’t imagine giving the dog to the humane society and thought his wife would have been a bit more sensitive.
My wife was a little shy of furious but very very angry. She said I should have asked her, that “it’s my house too!” I wouldn’t contradict that, but under the circumstances I was certain that she would understand. I was very hurt by her insensitivity. Obviously I was somewhat stunned by grief and I couldn’t imagine anything other than adopting the dog myself. We own our home and already have two cats. As I said, she’s a low maintenance dog.
Over the years, OP’s wife has held fast in her feelings about the dog not being very welcome. She also points out that it was a bully-ish thing to do to her. OP isn’t sure if he was right or not to bring the pup home.
My wife persists to refuse to walk the dog saying “she’s not my dog”. Occasionally she uses this incident to demonstrate how I’m a bully in the relationship. I have a hard time seeing in objectively. I’m over the grief and I just want some thoughts, so let me know.
He adds some clarification, noting that while he never expected his wife to do chores with the dog, he did find it strange that she NEVER once did anything.
Clarification: it’s not really about expecting my wife to do dog chores. I just wanted to have an example of the strange dynamic. Like in two years she has never walked the dog. Not once. I have been bold enough to suggest it on occasion, such as when we had evening plans and she was already home but I was going to need to come home versus meeting up, or if I wasn’t feeling great. I’ve been surprised when she holds that boundary. I’m guessing she would walk her if I was incapacitated (she’d be pissed though).
He also says that his wife doesn’t despise the dog – she just does 0 work with it.
She doesn’t actually despise the dog. She chooses to give her treats and things. It’s not really about me expecting my wife to take care of the dog.
This line gets me: “my wife didn’t want it but that wasn’t a suitable reason to defy my conscience”. Oh dude, go jump in a lake, you complete douche.
Truly, still feel I had no excuse not to take the dog. It was a duty I welcomed. My wife didn’t want it but that wasn’t a suitable reason to defy my conscience. I’m majority YTA so far. I’m certainly not impartial. So be it. I wanted the dog then also I couldn’t imagine being the son who send the dog to strangers or the humane society. Most of the comments have been kind enough. Thanks.
Another person wrote, “NTA. Imo “My dad and his partner both dropped dead suddenly and orphaned a dog” is one of the very few acceptable reasons for bringing a dog home without discussing it first.”
