Patricia Grisafi
Every family has a dirty little secret—some are just more intense than others. And of course, how the family manages the keeping of the secret or the telling of it has a lot to do with how much they are still suffering from the aftereffects.
One Redditor is still reeling from their mother’s infidelity to their father and wants to know if their anger is justified.
See, the OP’s mother eventually married and had children with the Uncle, and the OP decided to spill the beans on this secret during a family argument. Was the OP right or wrong to tell his siblings?
“There is a family secret that has been hidden for the last decade. It strained my relationship with my mom significantly. While my dad was still alive she was having an affair with my uncle. My dad got into an accident and passed away and before the funeral even happened my mom had moved my uncle in, pretending to extended family that he was there to help us,” the OP writes.
“A couple of weeks after the funeral everyone else found out and they are estranged from my mom and uncle now. My mom was pregnant during all this and it was very hard as a 7 year old to accept what was happening. My mom and uncle got married before their daughter was born and since then they’ve had a son. My relationship with my mom and uncle is not great. It has sucked living with them and seeing their happy ever after play out after what they did. Not even just to my dad, but to me.”
“My mom has always gotten up by butt about my attitude toward her and her husband and I have always tired to ignore it for the most part. But the other night she and I got into a fight when their daughter asked why I didn’t like her parents and I told her to ask them. My mom said it was like telling them there was something they should know. I told her she was the one who fucked her husband’s brother, moved him in when he died while having a kid in the house, and then telling the kid to lie about it so the funeral could pass and she could get money from her in laws instead of being cut off. I told her she was a disgusting person and I couldn’t wait to move out in a few months.”
There are so many years of anger and resentment here. What should the OP do? And is the OP being an a**hole?
“NTA. Your mother may want to lie to her daughter but she can’t force you to get on board with it,” said NUTmeSHELL.
“Mom played a dumb game and won her prize in the form of an estranged family. If she’s worried about what her new children will think of her, then she shouldn’t have acted disreputably in the first place,” said Pvt_Lee_Fapping.
“Hamlet set the bar on this, so as long as nobody is poisoned and/or stabbed, you’re cool,” said thatsunshinegal.
“I would reconsider how you talk about your sister and brother. You call them ‘their daughter’ and ‘their son’… but they’re your siblings. They had no part in what your mom did. They’re innocent in this and estranging yourself from them is only gonna hurt you. Maybe you don’t like your mom and that’s totally understandable… but your brother and sister can bring more love into your life. Also you should definitely go to therapy. You’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders,” advised monnaamis.
“I think ESH. Your mom and uncle did some horrible things back when your dad was alive and they shouldn’t have had an affair and I can see how that made you feel the way you feel. I don’t know that I could forgive them either but I think it would be worth trying. You talk about how you told their daughter to ask them why you hate them and to me that makes you an asshole. Think about this from her perspective. These are her parents. It sounds to me like You are trying to mess up things for her. That sounds not so nice to me. How long has it been here exactly? At least 5 years I’m guessing right? Maybe even 10? At a certain point you really need to start figuring out how to move on and at least let bygones be bygones. And you trying to drag YOUR SISTER (who you don’t seem to acknowledge as your sister) into this makes me very sad for her. I’m guessing your relationship with your sister isn’t great either. She has no blame whatsoever. You need to start learning how to let go and move on. Either cut them out of your life entirely or try to learn how to live with it,” noted livevil999.
“OP has every right to feel the way they do and I don’t hold that against them at all, but they didn’t need to pull the kid into their fight. OP, if you read this, I’m not going to tell you how to feel or to let it go or anything like that, I just want to say this – I can only imagine how shitty it must have been for you to be forced into confronting such an awful situation at an age where you were way too young to be able to process it. Don’t put your little sister in the same position. She’s innocent here, don’t hurt her just to get back at your mom,” said TheArmchairSkeptic.
What do you think the OP should do?
