Hopefully, when you decide to get married, your friends are loving and supportive of your choice — and they like your partner!
But unfortunately, some friends are jealous for known or unknown reasons.
One Redditor explains how her fiancé’s female best friend since childhood has been pretty rude to her for their entire relationship.
And now that they’re getting married, she’s sending downright messed up messages to her about her importance in the fiancé’s life. Now, the OP wants her out of the wedding party — and their lives.
OP begins:
“My (29f) fiancé (32m) has a female best friend since childhood (32f). Now I’m not the person who gets jealous over my partner being friends with the opposite gender. I’m bisexual so it wouldn’t be rational of me to have some weird expectations like this. Plus my fiancé has many female friends as a straight guy and I have friends of both genders as well. What bothers me here is not the gender of the friend but whether or not they’re able to respect boundaries. So I’d make the same talk if the friend in question was a male,” the OP writes.
“So to the point. His female best friend, Rachel has always been in competition with me regarding on who’s more important and a bigger priority to my fiancé. At first my fiancé failed to stand up to her and set boundaries but after a small break we had and after we reconciled he realised the importance of boundaries and set hard boundaries with her. I know that whenever she sees me or hears about me she’s not happy but we act kind to each other despite our actual feelings.”
“This situation btw has been rolling out for the past 5 years that I’ve been with my fiancé. When he proposed Rachel didn’t congratulate us at all and completely overlooked our entire engagement and kept referring to me as my fiancé’s ‘girlfriend.’ My fiancé kept correcting her each time even telling her how she’s not funny or quirky doing this she’s just disrespectful and after a certain point she stopped.”
“Now that we are planning our wedding, we picked out our groomsmen and bridesmaids and my fiancé has his female friend as one of his groomsmen, a grooms woman. After my fiancé asked her to join that role, she texted me a lengthy paragraph which to sum it up said: ‘Just so you know your fiancé and I are still each other’s priority. You may marry him and have kids with him, share a house with him but right know he picked me as a grooms woman knowing how that would bother you because he cares about not hurting my feelings more than your feelings. You can’t easily ruin friendships like that. Just stay in your lane and accept your place. You might be his wife but I’m his best friend and I’m not going anywhere. Make peace with it and who knows soon enough we might get along.'”
“I showed my fiancé and he said he’ll deal with her and I shouldn’t worry. I told him I’ve had enough and that the only solution I’m accepting is proper consequences for her actions. That means she’s either dropped as a grooms woman or uninvited. He makes the call for which one it will be but I’m tired of his best friend not having real consequences of her actions and getting her way. I won’t trust him enough to proceed with our wedding if he doesn’t set clear limits and make his friend face the consequences of her behavior. He said what I’m doing is very unfair because he is not responsible for her actions and feels like I’m putting unnecessary responsibility and pressure on him. AITA?”
What do Redditors think the OP should do about this friend who still clearly does not respect boundaries?
“NTA. BUT – Rachel wasn’t wrong when she said he cared about more her feelings than yours. Please consider if you want to be the second most important person in your marriage,” said
“NTA. You’re not being remotely unfair. The only response to that text is him telling her to get to fuck. Not just in regards to the wedding, to his entire life. If someone had sent something half as bad as that to my husband I would let them know they were, for all intents and purposes, dead to me. I would not marry this man unless he takes appropriate action. This is insanity,” noted
“NTA. If your fiancé’s response to Rachel is anything other than “What the hell is wrong with you, and I don’t want you in my wedding or my life until you apologise to my future wife and realise that she is my priority from now on” then I think you’re right to be concerned that he does indeed care more about her feelings than yours. She is WAY out of her lane sending you a message like that – like who TF does that? Your fiancé might not be responsible for her behaviour, but he is responsible for setting boundaries with his friends around how they treat you, and boundaries mean nothing without consequences. You are right to expect him to set the tone NOW for what he will allow Rachel to get away with, and to refuse to get married until he shows that you truly are his priority even when it puts him in the middle of a conflict,” explained
“NTA, judging from that paragraph i think she definitely has some jealousy or hatred towards you. It’s your wedding day you deserve to be with people who you actually like,” said
Later, the OP updated the post and said that the best friend was no longer invited after all.
“The update probably came sooner than I expected and maybe than you expected as well. While I had this post up, I was sitting next to my fiancé.
I told him that I don’t want to ask feedback from family and friends and I don’t want them involved in our drama so I’d rather get some unbiased feedback here. He’s been reading some of the responses and while at first he was very defensive over his actions, he just now started realising on how he has to reflect on this a bit more. I also explained to him once again in detail on why what I think Rachel is doing is bad and how it might destroy not just our relationship but any future relationship he might get even after we break up because no person would be willing to stand for that disrespect. We are having a chat about it now and he’s thinking of distancing himself from Rachel.”
And then finally: “He decided to uninvite her from the wedding completely and later distance himself from her.”
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