Kate Hackett
I absolutely loathe the idea that women cosplay purely to be “attractive”. I’m not a cosplayer myself, but this idea is so misogynistic and condescending to women who are in that community. It takes an unbelievable amount of time, patience, and money to create some of the really intricate costumes of the cosplay world; being “pretty” isn’t always the goal.
u/Correct-Slice-3651 recently ragged pretty hard on his girlfriend’s cosplay costume — and the reason he whined about it is even grosser than just boring ol’ sexism.
OP’s girlfriend had breast cancer five years ago; she had a double mastectomy and survived. She also elected not to have her breasts reconstructed.
My (25M) GF (24) had a double mastectomy 5 years ago; she had breast cancer, and thankfully made a full recovery. Unlike a lot of women, she didn’t have any reconstructive surgery. This was before I met her.
OP loves anime and invited his girlfriend to a con. The GF isn’t into anime, but she is into cosplay — so she was excited to go with OP and dress up.
I’m a big anime nerd, and last weekend I invited her to a small anime con with me. She’s seen a few episodes of my favorite shows, but she’s not into anime; she does like cosplay, though, and she works seasonally as an SFX artist at a haunted house near us. So when I asked her to go to the con with me, she asked if she could cosplay, and I said sure.
OP, FOR REASONS I DO NOT KNOW DEAR READER, thought she was planning to do something sexy. WHY.
She got very excited and said I was going to love her costume, so I’ll admit I thought she was going to do something sexy for me.
The girlfriend does not, in fact, dress up to suit OP’s whims. She leans into her mastectomy and comes with an outfit that exposes her chest.
Well, not exactly. The day of the convention comes, and she showed up at my house cosplaying Dabi from MHA- specifically a look he has later in the manga. It’s a long white coat over white pants, no shirt. Her entire chest was exposed and she’d obviously spent hours applying burn makeup; she has short hair that she dyes constantly, this time she bleached it white and dyed a few red streaks.
The scar from her surgery was clearly visible — and OP found it “unattractive”. Hold me, guys, I want to rage.
I wasn’t expecting her to show up without a shirt. Her burn scar makeup only covered half her chest, so you could clearly see her mastectomy scar. It wasn’t a very attractive costume, especially since she’d gone all out with the scars and made them look raised and kind of realistic.
When they talked in the evening, OP told her he was EMBARRASSED. GF understandably got mad… and, well, now we’re here.
We went to the con, and while a lot of people came up to take photos with her, I noticed several others looking at her chest. That evening, she said I’d been quiet all day, and I honestly told her I was a little embarrassed that she was flaunting her mastectomy scar like that. She got mad and said she was making the best of her situation and said I was being insensitive, and she’s been distant ever since. I’m starting to feel guilty. AITA?
Reddit was incensed, you guys.
One user wrote, “Oh, how dare your GF not have a pretty little cosplay outfit. Obviously she has not gotten the message that her only worth is if she caters to the male gaze. (s)”
Another said, “YTA – Jesus, she went through cancer and a double mastectomy and you’re crying about being embarrassed??? Please break up with her so she can find someone that’s not an asshole.”
“This is why women have such a hard time being cosplayers – guys are always assuming they’re doing it to be sexy for them. Your girlfriend did something scary and brave for herself. Your reaction is disgusting. YTA,” commented a third.
