Kate Hackett
Boy oh boy, what an easy answer.
BUT STILL, we’re a fair people and maybe there are … some extenuating circumstances? We should check out u/Relevant_Rip_2674‘s full question before deciding if he is an asshole for wearing an Iron Maiden T-Shirt to his first meeting with his girlfriend’s parents.
OP starts by explaining that things are going well with his girlfriend. …Or, uh, were?
I (28m) have been dating my girlfriend (23f) for a few months. Things have gone well; we get along well so far and I really care about her and hope things work out with us.
She and her parents invited OP over for dinner with her parents; they are Indian immigrants and OP is white.
Anyway she recently invited me to come over and have dinner with her parents at their home. She still lives with them for now. We are getting more serious and they wanted to meet me. If it’s relevant her parents are Indian immigrants to the US and I am white.
OP thought the meeting was casual and just wore a T-shirt. An Iron Maiden T-shirt. “It was clean” — oh god, this guy.
So, I thought it was a completely casual meeting and I wore an Iron Maiden T-shirt. I do happen to like the band but that’s not even why I wore it; that’s just how I dress and that shirt just happened to be clean that day. I went and met her parents and thought we’d had a good meeting.
The girlfriend HATED this shirt. She hated that he made no effort, that it was a loud, obnoxious T.
However my girlfriend is NOT happy with me. She feels as if me dressing in a T-Shirt rather than a nicer button-up shirt was bad enough, but that wearing a shirt with skulls on it was–in her words–“just obnoxious.”
OP feels like she should have told him what to wear (OH GOD, THE MENTAL LOAD BEGINS) — so is he right?
I honestly just dressed for the meeting the way I usually do and didn’t even think about it. I think that if she had certain standards that she should have communicated them to me beforehand. But she thinks that what I did was “obviously stupid and inappropriate” and that I should have known better. Is she right or is she being too critical?
Reddit was NOT HAVING it with this dude.
“YTA Because you’re an adult… meeting someone’s parents generally isn’t an overly casual thing unless they specify that their parents are casual as well. Surely you own a nicer shirt than an Iron Maiden tshirt, being an adult and all,” wrote one user.
Another person said, “YTA. Try to put a bit more thought into your attire when meeting people for the first time. Especially a girlfriend’s parents. She didn’t need to communicate her standards. You need to address your standards. Don’t blame her for your lack of them. It’s all on you.”
“YTA. Yeah, dude. C’mon. High school kids have more sense than that. I realize the world is in “take me as I am” mode, but the reality is meeting the parents is a big deal. If you don’t even put the most basic effort into it, you’re just telling them, and your gf the relationship isn’t that important to you,” commented a third.
