Kate Hackett
Here we go, another wedding AITA over on Reddit’s famed Am I The Asshole subreddit… at least this one is a bit of a no-brainer.
Thanks to u/Mallvar, we can all furrow our brows and wonder WTF his girlfriend was thinking — the long and the short of it is that she wanted to wear an off-white dress to a wedding.
*record scratch*
Yeah.
I’ll let him elaborate here.
This happened during this weekend, me being in my early thirties and my gf in her late twenties. I was invited to a wedding ceremony of a colleague and could bring someone with me. I asked my GF that I’ve been dating for a year if she would like to join me and she was really happy because she apparently loves weddings. Since we don’t live together I drove to pick her up so we’d have some time to spare before the ceremony.
They’re going to a colleague’s wedding! All is well! She comes out and looks amazing, but pretty quickly the OP realizes… She’s in a white dress.
As she comes out she looks really beautiful and has obviously put in time to fix her hair and make-up. She’s also wearing an off-white dress that was rather ornate. As she got in I told her that she looked stunning, but I asked if she could change to a different colored dress for the ceremony. I’m not one for etiquette by far, but one of the few things I have heard everywhere is that you should not wear a white dress to a wedding unless you’re the bride.
OP asked her to change and the girlfriend got pretty upset. The girl said this was a stupid tradition about virginity and it’s no longer a thing. (It is.)
She became pretty upset and wanted to know what was wrong with her dress. I said that it would be inappropriate to wear a white or off-white dress unless you’re the bride – and that it’s like wedding-law or something, trying to be lighthearted about it. She rolled her eyes and said that it was an outdated tradition about women and virginity and that when her friends got married everyone wore white and that it’s not a big thing anymore.
OP conceded that he didn’t know the dress code, but it would be rude to kind of poke the bear to test it. Why risk it, you know? The GF got further upset and said this behavior was abusive (it’s not).
I told her that I don’t know what the dress code is for this ceremony, but since it’s not saying “all white clothes” I still thought she should change to another color but white or “almost-white” – because my colleague was getting married and we had no idea how she felt about it. My gf became really upset and told me that I was trying to control what she was wearing and that it was abusive, which honestly made me really upset and hurt.
OP was angered by the abuse comment and told her to get out of the car and go home.
I said something along the lines of “Fuck, well you shouldn’t go to a wedding with an abuser then” and then I told her to fuck off out of my car. She began to cry and wanted to apologize and give me a hug, but I just told her to get out, which she did (EDIT: To clarify we never left the driveway by her home, I did not drop her off in the middle of nowhere or anything like that).
OP left, went to the wedding, and ignored the girlfriend’s texts for a while. He vented to some friends and most agreed with him, but some did not.
I drove off and she called and texted me a bunch. I answered “I don’t want to talk right now” and then turned my phone off and attended the ceremony. The bride was the only one that was wearing white so I feel as if my gut feeling was the right one. When I got home my phone had blown up by texts from her and her best friend saying that I was being inconsiderate and controlling and should apologize for my behavior. I’ve vented to a few friends – most of them agreeing with me but some have said that it was an asshole thing to tell her that she could not wear her dress – because it had nothing to do with me. I feel as if I was in the right since it was my colleagues wedding and it was better to be safe than sorry, but I’m also not sure if I was being an asshole about the situation. So, reddit AITA?
OP also posted an update, which included an apology from the girlfriend. OP had decided that he was done (which … seems to my mind kind of insane, but whatever) and they’re all finished.
UPDATE: I never expected this thread to get this many replies. I am incredibly thankful for all of you that have reached out and commented, and I really really appreciate that you’ve taken the time to tell me. My GF found out about the thread (don’t know if she knew my handle, or just found it) and we talked over the phone. She apologized and I apologized and it was a pretty good talk. She asked if she could come over, and I said no and that it would be best for us to go our separate ways. She got upset and asked why I wouldn’t even try to work it out. I basically just said good bye and then she said my dick was small which actually made me laugh after what had been a pretty mature conversation and then she hung up. I’m pretty sad about it, she really made me feel happy but as many of you have commented – if this was our first disagreement and she called me abusive how would future disagreements look? I was hurt, but if she did think I was being abusive, it would be the right thing to do, and if she did not think I was being abusive and said it anyways I would not want to be with her. So anyways I think things worked out for the best for us both. Again thank you all, and I will keep trying to respond to all of you, but there are a lot off messages but I read through them all!
So what did Reddit say?
