Patricia Grisafi
Hoarding is a serious mental condition that needs professional attention. There are usually underlying traumas that a hoarder has experienced — like unprocessed grief or abuse. Hoarding can take many forms, but for some people it can look like compulsively shopping for and storing food.
One Redditor’s wife seems to be suffering from hoarding, and it’s making their marriage difficult, as she does not seem to understand how her serious her condition is. The OP is taking steps like locking the freezer, but he really should be getting his wife some therapy.
“I (39m) have been married to my wife (32f) for four years. We usually get along just fine. One of the issues that we’ve had since our relationship began has been about our freezer. Simply put, my wife stuffs the freezer full of food constantly. There is absolutely zero space for me to put anything in there,” the OP writes.
“At first, I tried to solve this by buying the fridge with the biggest freezer we could find. I dropped nearly $4 grand on it. She interpreted this as an invitation to buy more frozen food so she could play microwave dinner Tetris with the freezer. Every single nook and cranny is stuffed full. She still buys frozen foods and somehow finds a way to fit them in. The worst part is when I buy a frozen food or freeze something for meal prep, she asks me at least three to four times a day when I’m going to take it out of the freezer. She essentially nags me until I remove the food from the freezer so she can put something she won’t be touching for six months in in its place.”
“Last weekend I finally snapped and bought an inexpensive single door deep freezer. I put it in the basement near the washer/dryer and put a couple of my own things in there–mostly some frozen veggies and a few burritos. I didn’t really mention it to my wife because she wasn’t home when I brought it in.”
“When my wife got home later in the day, she went downstairs to do laundry and discovered my freezer. She excitedly ran upstairs to tell me that the upstairs one is full and she can actually fit more food in there now. I responded that under no circumstances is she to touch the freezer because it’s mine. Not a single ice cube should be put in there. Then I told her to not even ask (because I knew she’d mention 3-4 times a day that she needs more freezer room). She sulked and tried to debate the issue, but I was able to placate her.”
“A couple of days later I went down to the basement to get something from my freezer, and there I found it about 70% full of microwave dinners. Upon checking the freezer in the kitchen, I found that it too was still completely full. I calmly went downstairs with a large garbage bag, threw everything into it, and then tossed it into our trash bin. Then I found a padlock I had lying around and locked it with a chain.”
“Later that day my wife brought more frozen food to put into the new freezer, but when she got downstairs she noticed the lock and flipped her lid. She told me I was being controlling. When I told her that there’s no way she will ever use that freezer again, she threw something like a tantrum and left for her mom’s house. She came back later that day and told me that I had 24 hours to unlock the freezer. Nothing really happened after those 24 hours, but now she’s completely ignoring everything I say. I think my actions were justifiable, but was I wrong here?”
Maybe the OP’s wife has some kind of trauma related to food? In any case, professional help is almost certainly needed here.
“NTA. Your wife sounds like she has some issues, maybe a food equivalent of a hoarder,” suggested
“I once lived in a share house with a guy who had a lot of childhood food trauma issues – basically he and his siblings would eat like kings for two days, then have nothing for the rest of the week. Really awful. Sharing food with him started to make ME anxious, because he’d want to eat everything the first day. We ended up telling him to measure out a third of the yoghurt, ice-cream, etc and he could just eat that but wasn’t allowed to touch the other two-thirds. I’m getting the vibe that your wife has a compulsion – perhaps she only feels safe and in control when she has as much frozen food as possible. Not having it might make her feel very anxious and out of control. Keep the lock I think, but encourage her to get some help,” said
“NTA. Your wife has an unhealthy obsession with frozen foods, she needs professional help. It’s clear this is a compulsion on her part that needs to be dealt with. Also, you are entitled to have food in your home that you actually want to eat. If this is what you have to do to ensure you have that, then so be it,” noted
“NTA but the bigger issue is what is behind this. Is this restricted to the freezer or is she controlling and/or a hoarder in general? Either way, she is not being rational. Ask her at what point, at how many freezers, would she stop and think that it’s okay for you to have your own freezer space that she can’t use? How many months of frozen food does she actually need? Can she tell you how long it would take to get through what she already has? What was her thought process when she bought more to put in the new freezer? Was it that she needed the food or that she needed to fill the space? You’re unlikely to get rational answers to these questions, but asking them might open a space in her mind were she can see, even a little, that she is being irrational and needs to deal with her issues,” said
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