Women’s health and medical advocacy are topics fraught with men overstepping, dismissing, and otherwise treating women like dumber, lesser citizens, so when I read this title from u/Itsallatripdude, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
But.
Reddit decided this guy was NOT the asshole. Let me let him explain.
OP’s partner is “late” (I assume that means overdue) and doesn’t want a C-section or induction. I get it.
My partner is several days late and having serious anxieties with dealing a potential C section / being induced.
So OP called the midwife to ask about what he could do to help. Aww. No, that’s totally fine. OP did keep the call a secret (why).
I have been off work for two weeks and this evening I phoned the midwives to ask them how I could help, my partner wasn’t aware. I can’t stress this enough, I do not want my partner dealing with any additional stress this late in pregnancy so I spoke to the midwives about my issues and how I could help.
The midwives called his partner and got her in for an appointment the next day. This is good!
They stated that they could call my partner and see what’s what and see how they could help. They phoned up, offered an appointment for tomorrow and a potential sweep. Apparently this is amazing news.
The woman saw the call in OP’s log and OP told her what happened. He feels guilty (…what?) about the whole thing.
Laying in bed she noticed that I had their number in my recent call log (she wasn’t snooping / we were both looking at my phone and I forgot) and put two and two together. I confessed and now she is extremely upset because I went behind her back.
She’s upset, he’s worried, and he wants to know if he did something wrong.
I feel guilty for it but I genuinely don’t believe I did anything wrong. She’s upset that I didn’t talk to her. Which I stated earlier why I felt I couldn’t, and now this late in pregnancy she’s upset and angry with me.
Am I the asshole?
WELL GUYS. NOPE.
UPDATE: ALL IN VAIN! WE JUST HAD A BABY BOY!!!!!
Reddit was quick to say that this guy was absolutely fine. Check it out:
NAH
Absolutely nothing wrong with taking initiative to get a mom help especially when it’s your partner and your child. So many moms get forgotten and it’s great that you are looking out imo.
It’s not like anyone could have done anything without her knowledge or consent, she’s still carrying the child. The midwives spoke to your partner before making any plans and she was happy about the appointments. The worst that could have happened is she told the midwives she didn’t want whatever they suggested doing.
It’s valid that she is upset that you left her out, but you were trying to help with good intentions, so it’s more of a lesson learned to always keep her in the loop when it’s regarding her healthcare and your child, than you being an asshole.
Another person wrote, “I’m going with NAH. I don’t see a problem with what you did, but I could see why someone else might. Plus this is a really tense time for her! But, you need to bite the bullet and make your wife comfortable here. She’s probably in a lot of pain, she’s scared at the thought of surgery, etc. Apologize and then ask her directly what you can do to help her. Better yet, offer to massage her feet or hips while you order her favorite meal to be delivered. Then enjoy your new baby.”
“NTA. I saw the comment where you’re fine being off from work. You were just genuinely concerned and didn’t want to worry her before you called. It would be worth explaining this to her. It’s also fair to be concerned, I was actually born late and if my mom hasn’t had me within 2 days after I was born, they were going to induce labor (I was 2 weeks late). Just try explaining to her that you were worried because of how stressed she was and so you called the midwives for advice on how to help her without saying anything because you didn’t want to stress her more,” chimed in a third.