Kate Hackett
I cannot even believe that we’re writing about this today. If you are married and you visit your spouse’s family, would they stick you on the couch? Because that’s exactly what u/Accomplished-Menu773‘s parents-in-law did to him and I’m BOGGLED.
OP explains that because of distance, he hadn’t met his in-laws very often or for extended periods.
My wife and I got married last summer. Her family lives across the country from us, so up until this point I had never actually visited them, but I had met them a handful of times and we’ve always gotten along fine.
They invited OP and his wife to visit and they flew in. Things were great until OP was told that they expected him to sleep on the couch.
They invited us to come visit and stay with them for a few days and we took them up on the offer. We flew in yesterday, and everything went well – her dad and I watched football while she caught up with her mom and sisters, and then we had a really nice dinner. But things went south at the end of the night when it was made clear that they didn’t want me sharing a bed with my wife while in their home, and that they expected me to sleep on the couch.
Given that they’re MARRIED, this is patently insane, but they pushed the issue. So OP went ahead and booked a hotel.
I honestly thought they were joking at first, but they insisted we sleep separately. I had a problem with the implication that I shouldn’t be allowed to sleep next to my wife, and I also have a bad back and the couch did not look the least bit comfortable (they don’t have a guest room).
After arguing back and forth for a bit, I decided to leave and book a hotel. I told my wife she didn’t have to come with me, she chose to stay and I said I’d come back the next day. I went off to a Marriott about 10m away and got a good night’s sleep, trying to not let the whole situation bother me.
But apparently the entire thing caused drama unbeknownst to OP while he was spending the night at the hotel. OP said he’d apologize, but he did want it made clear that their demands were inappropriate.
This morning, I called my wife asking when I should come by. She told me her parents want me to apologize for leaving the way I did. I told her that I’m willing to apologize to keep the peace, but they need to acknowledge that it wasn’t appropriate to insist I can’t share a bed with my own wife. She said she’d talk to them and call me back.
Evidently this was a terrible plan because it escalated everything. The parents won’t let OP back in the house if he doesn’t stay on the couch the rest of the visit.
About 10 minutes later, I hear back from her, and she tells me that not only will they not apologize for it, they are now insisting I need to come back and stay on the couch for the rest of our visit, and if I don’t agree to this, I’m not welcome back in the house. I’m pretty livid at this point – I told her that there’s absolutely no chance that I will do that, and I am no longer willing to offer any sort of apology.
His in laws are all ganging up on him, his wife is upset, and now OP is pretty much done with the entire vacation. So: is he in the wrong?
My wife’s sisters are now bothering me saying this is just the way their parents are, that my wife is very upset, and that I need to just give in and stay on the couch for the rest of the trip before this turns into some sort of family feud. From my perspective, I don’t care what they think and I’m willing to treat the rest of this trip as a solo vacation, go sightseeing and meet my wife back at the airport at the end of the week.
AITA?
Reddit was angry on OP’s behalf: “NTA – Your in-laws are abhorrent hosts. It’s their house, their rules and their rules are stupid. Rather than fighting a pointless battle, you set a clear and valid boundary, and they chose to take offense to it. They want you to stay on their couch because it’s a power play. You staying in a hotel takes that power away, and they can’t handle it. The fact that your wife doesn’t have your back on this is a giant red flag. Good luck.”
A lot of people jumped down the wife’s throat, in fact. “You have a wife problem just as much as you have an in-law problem. She should be defending you, not deferring to them. Do not back down on this because they are blatantly disrespecting you and disrespecting your marriage. And if your wife can’t support you in this, I would suggest some marriage counseling when you get home because you’re her chosen family now. She needs to act like it,” said another person.
