When you’re married, money issues can come up. It’s obviously best to communicate with your partner about how your joint money can be used, if you want separate accounts for personal use, or if you’d prefer to just bundle everything together.
On Reddit, one husband noticed that his wife purchased him an expensive Rolex watch for his birthday — but used his account to buy the item.
She also doesn’t want to return it. Maybe it’s time for another talk about shared expenses and financial boundaries?
“My wife and I have been married for two years. I recently noticed after reviewing bank statements that she’s been buying my birthday gifts with my money for the past two years (didn’t notice the first year since it was not super expensive). We have a shared account to pay bills but then we also have our individual credit/debit cards for personal expenses. She’s an authorized user on my credit card but she’ll only use it if I ask her to buy something for me such as work clothes,” the OP said.
“She bought me a Rolex watch this year for my birthday and I felt bad since I didn’t get her anything nearly as expensive for a birthday gift and I told her she shouldn’t have. I also wondered how she could afford it unless she’s been saving. She said she wanted to do something nice for me and she knew I liked it. One day I was attempting to buy a coffee before heading to work and my card was declined. I called the bank and they told me why they blocked the purchase. After reviewing the online statement it does show the watch on my account and that’s not my usual spending habits.”
“I talked to my wife about it and she said, ‘I thought I used the shared account, I must’ve pulled out the wrong card by accident. I’m sorry.’ I tell her to return it because it’s an unnecessary expense and she told me ‘just keep it, you can afford it. You know you wanted one anyway. Please appreciate me wanting to do something nice for you.'”
What do Redditors think?
“NTA. I don’t want to say your wife is exactly the asshole in this case either, but her buying your birthday gift with your money definitely wasn’t an accident if she’s been doing it for the last two years. I think it is kind of shitty that she isn’t willing to buy you a birthday gift with her own money, however. Do you make more than her? If that’s the case, she might feel justified in using your money in her own because you can ‘afford it’. On another note, take her off your credit card. One piece of advice my father gave me for if I ever get married is to keep your finances separate. You can keep your shared account and you can each put money into it when necessary, but have your own separate accounts and set it up so you cannot access one another’s. Should this relationship not work out, it’d be very easy for her to take all your money and leave you penniless because in her head, you can afford to lose it. That’s just my opinion on the subject,” said minhamelodia.
“NTA. Purchases that cost several thousand dollars should be 1) made with one’s own money 2) saved for 3) discussed prior to using a joint account. I’d be livid if ‘I’ brought myself a Rolex I haven’t budgeted for. Serious red flag, op,” noted Razszberry.
“NTA. I’m a bankruptcy attorney and this is a MAJOR red flag. The ability to throw $5K+ on a random card without being sure it’s going on the correct card is a sign that there are many, many other problems going on here. As far as the current incident goes- whether she drained your personal account without telling you or maxed out your credit card without telling you, this is a major issue that bears discussion. If she’s maxing out the joint bills account without telling you, that’s even worse. Please open a credit karma account for yourself to see how much debt she’s put in your name (if any.) You should also ask her to show you her credit Karma account if you have any interest or expectation of bailing her out of her debt or wanting to know how much she owes,” advised GroundbreakingWing48.
“NTA. Again like a lot of these stories — you have a wife problem. A marriage problem. You both agreed to separate accounts. She is unilaterally making spending decisions and is down playing your concerns and using sex as a negotiation tool. Talk to her and fix this. This is more than an issues with a watch,” said ReliefEmergency2231.
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