Kate Hackett
I read this Reddit thread from u/aitacoffeepurchase and INSTANTLY knew my answer. I’m no coffee snob, but boy oh boy do I need my cup in the morning.
But hey — if you ARE a coffee snob, go with god: there’s nothing wrong with liking fancy stuff and if it’s within your budget, it’s OKAY to treat yourself. (A life lesson it took me a while to learn too!)
OP explains that he enjoys some fancier (still DIY at home) coffee lately. So instead of buying the bulk Costco brand, he buys a bag from the grocery store.
I’ve lately come to enjoy some nicer coffee than I usually drank.
I brew it at home, so we’re not talking daily $7 drinks or anything.
Instead of getting a giant bulk bag of Kirkland coffee, I’ve come to enjoy a $12 bag from the grocery store. It lasts a bit over a week, maybe two. Instead of $15 for about 5 weeks.
OP’s wife doesn’t work and he works from home. He has been doing a lot of the household work because she has a medical condition.
My wife doesn’t work. I work from home. She also unfortunately isn’t doing a lot around the house right now because of a medical condition. I’ve been picking up most of the slack while she sits around. This has been going on for 6 months for the household, years for the job.
Yes, she has depression, yes she’s getting treatment for it.
OP tries to do what he can, but sometimes has to ask for help. He knows she’s trying, but it’s been hard on him.
I try my best to do what I can, but often times I have to ask her multiple times to help with even simple tasks to share responsibility. We’ve had discussions on how I know she’s working on the issue, but I can’t do everything on my own.
So the coffee is, OP feels, a deserved treat. It’s also a treat that fits their budget, no problem there.
I make plenty to be able to have my coffee be a splurge. She’d previously commented on the cost, and I said “It’s well within the budget, and I like it. It’s fine.” EDIT: I’d shown her the grocery budget in YNAB, which is nearly always under-budget every month for the past few years.
The other day, he brought a new bag home and she told him to go back to the other stuff.
I brought home another bag the other day, and she made a comment along the lines of “You’re spending way too much on this fancy coffee. You need to go back to the other stuff.”
OP snapped. He told her to work again and she can have a say in the purchasing power.
Having had to make the grocery run again, after doing other household chores that morning, I snapped “The one with the job gets to make the grocery choices. Work again or contribute to the household and you can have a say in what we buy.”
The wife did NOT like that… so OP is curious: was he wrong?
She called me a cold-hearted asshole and stormed out of the room.
So AITA for my reaction to being called out on coffee buying?
“NTA. Your post is sort of heartbreaking. Mental illness can ruin more than one life if it’s allowed to be an albatross on others. Something has to give here. I hate to see one side drowning no matter how hard they work and try,” said a Redditor.
“Nta but I do feel there may be more than the coffee issue going on for the response you gave. Definitely better ways to talk about it than the response provided,” wrote someone else.
