Man Asks If It Was Wrong To Give Inheritance To Brother Instead Of Sister Trying IVF

Somewhere out there, a man is being called an a-hole for offering to give away his entire share of the inheritance money left to him, with the two other shares going to his two siblings after their father passed away earlier this year.

According to a Redditor who posted his dilemma on the “Am I the A-hole” forum, he doesn’t need the money, has no children of his own and is in a stable financial situation, and offered to give his share to his brother, who has three young kids and is struggling.

“I have enough money and don’t really need the inheritance. My siblings and I were talking about the money that is supposed to be divided 3 ways,” the OP explained. “I’m childless, my brother (33M) has 3 small kids and my sister (41F) has been trying for a baby for over a decade now.”

OP asks:

OP lays out the details:

My (34M) father (65M) died a few months ago and his estate is now being divided between me and my two siblings.

I have enough money and don’t really need the inheritance. My siblings and I were talking about the money hat is supposed to be divided 3 ways.

I’m childless, my brother (33M) has 3 small kids and my sister ( 41F) has been trying for a baby for over a decade now.

I told them since I don’t need the money, I’m thinking of giving it to my brother, because he has been struggling financially and can use the money. My sister asked if I could instead give it to her for her last round of IVF (that would cost her share + my share of the inheritance) as it’s her lsst chance to have a baby.

I told her I’m sorry, but our brother doesn’t have much money and has 3 kids depending on him, so I feel that it’s better he gets my money. She asked me if my brother’s kids are more important than hers and I said “well yes, the living children take priority over the imaginary”.

She was very hurt, called me an AH for 1) not helping her out and 2) insulting her and belittling her struggles.

ETA: I don’t have children myself because I struggled with infertility during my relationship with my ex. So I know where my sister is coming from. Some commenters said to put this info here in the post.

His sister, at 41 years old, is trying to have kids herself, but due to fertility issues, is having to attempt to do so via in vitro fertilization (IVF), an expensive procedure in which eggs are fertilized by sperm outside of the body and then implanted into the uterus. Depending on many factors, the procedure often has a high success rate, but various fertility factors can mean that even multiple attempts, which often cost tens of thousands of dollars, can be unsuccessful.

This sounds like it’s the case for OP’s sister, who he says has been trying to get pregnant for 10 years and is attempting one last round of IVF. That’s where the sibling conflict came in.

“I told them since I don’t need the money, I’m thinking of giving it to my brother, because he has been struggling financially and can use the money,” OP continued. “My sister asked if I could instead give it to her for her last round of IVF (that would cost her share + my share of the inheritance) as it’s her [last] chance to have a baby.”

It’s a terrible position to be in, though not one that the OP is unfamiliar with. An edit to the post includes the fact that he himself is childless because his own ex-partner had fertility issues, so he can at least somewhat understand what his sister is going through. Still, he felt that the existing children that his brother is struggling to care for taking priority over the kids his sister might have.

“I told her I’m sorry, but our brother doesn’t have much money and has 3 kids depending on him, so I feel that it’s better he gets my money. She asked me if my brother’s kids are more important than hers and I said ‘well yes, the living children take priority over the imaginary.’ She was very hurt, called me an AH for 1) not helping her out and 2) insulting her and belittling her struggles.”

While many felt that the OP didn’t put this in the nicest way, he’s not wrong. Enough Reddit users agreed with the sentiment that real kids who have kids right now are more important than those who literally do not exist to vote him to be “not the a–hole,” though some propose potential compromises that he could arrange with his share of the money.

Most generally seemed to agree, however, that regardless of calling the kids his sister wants “imaginary,” it’s absurd to call someone names for not giving you the money that is yours instead of keeping it, but instead giving it to someone you think needs it more.

Here’s how Redditors responded: