Kate Hackett
Knowing languages makes you a citizen of the world and it’s definitely something we should all embrace trying! But it also make sit really easy to listen in on what other people are saying about you, so A+ for pulling double duty, language-speaking!
Unfortunately, that can land you in some hot water, as Ta2777271 found out. She took to Reddit to ask if she was a jerk for not filling in her girlfriend and her family that she, too, spoke Japanese. I’ll let her explain:
I (18F) am Japanese descent, it is not in my surname because it is on my mother’s side and I only have my father’s surname. But I grew up at my maternal great-grandmother’s and grandmother’s house, who spoke almost 70% of the time in Japanese, so I can speak Japanese, as does my whole family (including my parents).
OP explains that she’s of Japanese descent and learned to speak Japanese at her grandmother’s house. She also lives far from where her parents live.
I live in another state far from where my parents live (who is from Brazil will understand, my relatives are from Rio Grande do Sul and I live in Brasilia).
I’ve been dating Lara (19F) for 5 months, she is also a descendant, but unlike me, she has Asian traits. She knows I am of Japanese descent, but we never got into the conversation whether I speak or not, she never asked and I never commented.
Lara is OP’s girlfriend and also knows Japanese, but does not know that OP knows the language.
It’s been about 2 months since I’ve had lunch every two weeks at her parents’ house where she lives (both of whom are of Japanese descent) and a funny thing always happened.
They would talk in Japanese some things like “Go make the bed”, “the dishes for lunch are yours” to the parts that spoke bad of me “She didn’t eat everything on her plate” or “strange way to dress”. My girlfriend used to scold her parents also in Japanese and this has been the case for the last 2 months.
For a while, she and Lara would go to her parents’ house for lunch… and her parents would start to make little comments about OP in Japanese. Lara was quick to scold them, again in Japanese.
I’m not necessarily offended, but I find it extremely funny that they think I don’t know and talk about everything in Japanese thinking I’m lost in the conversation. (It is worth mentioning that they keep the conversation 97% of the time in Portuguese).
My parents came over this weekend and Lara’s parents insisted that we go to their house so they could get to know each other.
This weekend, OP’s parents visited and Lara’s parents wanted to meet them.
At some point my mother had to leave the table to talk to my grandmother and when she came back she said in Japanese “Your grandmother sent a kiss” and I replied “Send one of mine to her later”
And OP drops the big reveal: she and her mother spoke in Japanese to each other.
I know Lara and her parents were surprised, but they didn’t comment and dinner stayed that way for the rest of the night.
No one raised a scene that night, but Lara called later to let OP know that her parents were embarrassed.
After I dropped my parents off at the hotel, Lara asked to talk to me via video call and said that I embarrassed my parents because they didn’t know that I understood and spoke in Japanese, and they talked about family things in another language. , precisely because I would not understand and would not make it boring.
I replied saying that: “Just like they badmouthed me, didn’t they? But I didn’t want to talk about it and you never asked, despite knowing that a part of my family is of Japanese descent.”
OP pointed out that they were badmouthing HER and that this was ridiculous, but Lara kept insisting that OP was wrong.
She still stood her ground saying that I could have said and avoided all the awkwardness at her parents’ dinner. I didn’t really do it on purpose, I just responded unintentionally to my mother talking in a language I’m fluent in.
AITA?
Extra: I don’t live with Lara, so it didn’t happen that I spoke in Japanese with my relatives in front of her. Yes, it was the first time she had met my parents.
Here’s how Reddit voted:
