Sometimes we have to set boundaries for ourselves even when it hurts those we love. Being cheated on is a trauma hard enough to go through on its own; the adulterer happening to be your older brother is even worse. A recent Redditor came forth with a story just like this. After the infidelity, his brother got off scotch-free with the rest of OP’s family. His brother ended up marrying OP’s ex-girlfriend and the two hadn’t talked since.
This user (u/father-of-the-bride) decided to come to the “AITA?” community for help when his daughter decided to invite his brother and wife to her upcoming wedding. One might say, “Well, if he doesn’t want to see him, he doesn’t have to go.” That however, would be completely unfair, especially given that OP is paying for half the wedding.
Read the story in full below and let us know if you think this upset fathers actions were justified.
A very upset OP asked Reddit: “AITA for not paying for my daughter’s wedding because she invited my brother and his family?”
He started his story with some traumatizing context:
I’m 46M, my brother 48M.
When I was 20, my then girlfriend cheated with my brother. I was heartbroken and pissed. I told him he is no longer my brother. Despite my request, my family didnt cut him off, so I told them that I will never again be in the same place as he is. If they wish to invite both, then they should just invite him as I am the one giving ultimate.
OP then found out his daughter had gone behind his back.
My daughter is getting married in spring next year. In our culture both parents are paying for the wedding, 50/50. Unexpectedly, my daughter sat me down and told me that she will be inviting my brother and his family(he married my cheating ex). Apparently, she was seeing them for the last 4 years and built a relationship behind my back. She even wants her cousin to be some kind of flower girl.
So he decided to put his foot down…
I was pissed. I told her what my boundaries are and if my brother is invited then I will not pay my part of the wedding. She became angry and told me its time to let go of the past. I told her its not her call to make. We argued some more and she told me I am making her wedding about myself. I told her I will probably not even attend so it will be all about her. She left crying.
The rest of the family was not happy with OP’s decision.
My ex-wife called me screaming and told me I’m huge AH and our daughter is crushed. Then my parents called, same thing. I told them off and now I’m ignoring their calls. My GF told me to reconsider and appologize. That by not paying and attending I will break relationship with my daughter. I don’t know. I think my boundaries should be respected. Am I asshole for that?
Although his actions were harsh, OP has every right to be as angry as he is. The majority of voters said OP was not the “A-hole.” Below are some top comments from the post:
