Kate Hackett
I think it’s pretty fair to say that older generations can have very different mores and expectations to the youth of today, but what happens when Grandma and Grandpa are so traditional they expect their grandkids to dress a certain way?
u/PresentationNice6101 recently wondered on Reddit’s AITA if she was in the wrong for making her daughters wear dresses to visit her in-laws. Before we judge, let’s review the tale.
OP says her in-laws are pretty traditional; they aren’t racist or bigoted, just old fashioned.
My in-laws are what you would call traditional. They seem to think the world should have stopped 50 years ago, and think everthing since then is evil. They aren’t racist (that I know of) or outwardly bigoted, but they just are very old fashioned.
She and her husband have three kids — two girls. The parents don’t like the girls wearing pants (yikes, what). OP generally capitulates, but the kids hate it.
My husband and I have three children (16f, 14f, 10m) and we go to visit all their grandparents since they live close. Here’s the issue, they don’t like the idea of women wearing pants. My MIL says it’s “showing off” and my FIL always says it isn’t christian. Now I’m pretty feminine, so I don’t mind throwing on a dress when we stop by, but our daughters are not.
The girls don’t like visiting this set of grandparents because they have to wear a dress to visit.
They don’t like visiting my husbands parents, which breaks his heart, because we make them put on a dress before they go. They are both pretty tomboyish, and they never wear any dresses otherwise. I had to but each of them a few dresses specifically so they can go. To be clear it’s not like they aren’t allowed over if they wear pants, it’s just that they won’t shut up the entire time about how much they hate it.
OP doesn’t think it’s a big deal to just keep the peace, but she’s starting to wonder if this is causing bigger issues.
Our daughters hate this, and think it’s unfair. I guess it is, but in a lot of cultures women only wear skirts and dresses so I don’t think it’s a big deal. Plus it isn’t like it hurts them to wear a dress a few times a week for a few hours. The issue is our oldest is planning to never speak to her grandparents again after she’s 18, and I’m worried it’s affecting them.
I can tell you right now: Reddit will HATE this. I personally wouldn’t go so far as to call OP the actual asshole here.
In fact, “wear a dress to keep the peace” really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But Reddit is so big on personal autonomy that the very notion of changing mildly to get past a hump in a relationship sets them off.
Another user was a little more gentle: “YTA. I know it seems like it’s just easier to get them to wear a dress but it’s sending them the message that their feelings and comfort aren’t as important as other peoples. Their grandparents should love them for them, not if they wear what they consider appropriate clothing. It’s not 1950 anymore. G-parents need to accept things are different and you need to support your kids.”
And this user mirrored my own thoughts! “YTA, women wore pants 50 years ago. And qhy are the girls over at their place so much, if your In-Laws are not able to actually respect them?”
