Kate Hackett
Redditor u/bananapuddingkit recently asked the AITA community on Reddit if she was wrong to request that her roommate holes up her cat in her bedroom.
I’ve never seen Reddit slam down so fast! Fortunately, there’s a good ending to this story, so make sure you read all the way through.
OP lives with her girlfriend and a roommate and all has been well so far — even with the roommate’s mean, old cat.
I (24F) live with my girlfriend (25F) and a roommate (23F). We share a two bedroom apartment and have lived together for 2 years now. Up until now, we have gotten along pretty well.
My roommate has an elderly cat. The cat is honestly kinda mean, she doesn’t like me or my girlfriend and will run away if we try to pet her or pick her up. So we just avoid each other.
The roommate made sure OP had no pets before moving in because the old cat wasn’t very friendly. They didn’t.
My roommate asked if we had cats prior to moving in because she said her cat “doesn’t like other cats.” We did not have any pets at the time so it worked out. We did tell her that we might want one someday to which she said we would have to revisit the issue if it came up.
But now they want one. And with just the okay from the landlord, they went out and got a kitten. Did they talk to the roommate? Nope.
Well, my girlfriend and I have gotten to a place where we really want a pet of our own. We saw a kitten at the shelter and just fell in love with him. We got the okay from our landlord and brought him home last week! His name is Banana Pudding! 🙂
And the roommate was mad, surprise!
Our roommate is furious with us. She told us that we were aware that her cat doesn’t like other cats. I told her honestly that it’s unfair for us to have to tiptoe around her cat and that we were allowed to have our own pets as long as the landlord is okay with it (which he is). She couldn’t expect us to never get a pet or to cater to her cat’s needs 24/7. The conversation ended there.
Her old cat isn’t very excited about having a kitten in the space either, so OP came up with a solution.
Unfortunately things have escalated because her cat hisses and swats at Banana Pudding just for existing. She is honestly pretty aggressive which is a big issue imo. Our kitten is very friendly and sweet and causes no problems.
She asked her roommate to confine the old cat to one room. Just awful.
We asked our roommate that she keep her cat in her bedroom since she’s elderly and aggressive. She refused and hasn’t been speaking to us. She says we are huge AHs and even got some mutual friends to take her side. I personally think that if her cat is so aggressive and uncomfortable, it’s her responsibility to live alone. It’s gotten so bad that my girlfriend is crying and considering taking the kitten back to the shelter. So here I am to get an outside perspective because idk what to think now.
AITA?
Reddit was quick to tell OP she was an ass. One user wrote:
YTA – the older cat was there first and your roommate warned you that he did not like other cats. Instead of having any kind of conversation, you just brought home a kitten and now expect an elderly cat to be confined to one room for the rest of his life. You are most indeed the assholes here. That cat deserves to live out his life in peace and if you want to keep your kitten, you better go find somewhere else to live. Your roommate has every right to be angry and you are out of line.
Another offered a suggestion: “YTA for doing this without discussing with your roommate. Please watch Jackson Galaxy on how to properly introduce cats. It’s never too late to start the process, and it takes time and effort but it really works.”
Someone else scolded OP. “YTA. First, the cat is not “mean” just because it does not like to be picked up or petted by you. It’s a pet with its own preferences, which is completely normal. Maybe it would like you more if you did not do the things he dislikes? Second, you brought a cat without talking to your roommate and now demand her cat should stay in her room? Her cat is elderly and has been living there already, it’s basically his flat, and to expect an elderly pet to be confined to one room is cruel, selfish and unfair for him. You also sound selfish for not understanding cat behaviour and just bringing one on a whim without even talking or trying out if they get along with each other. That’s just dumb and basic pet owner knowledge. Many shelters won’t even let you adopt without knowing they will get along. If you really want to keep your cat, you should consider moving out to avoid stress for both of them (and yourself and roommate).”
Fortunately, after Reddit handed down a firm YTA verdict, OP …listened. She realized she jumped into pet ownership and made a mistake.
EDIT: So I am definitely the AH. The comments have really helped me to understand that my roommate’s cat is just acting… well, like a cat! I am willing to admit I was ignorant and impulsive. I have never had a pet before and should have done more research before jumping into pet ownership. I plan to sincerely apologize to my roommate. She is willing to talk once she gets home from work.
OP also realized she needed to confine the kitten and introduce them carefully.
I am going to see if she’s willing to try a proper introduction for both kitties and Banana Pudding will be staying in our room for the duration while her kitty will be able to roam. I am hopeful that things will work out and I want to thank everyone for being blunt and educating me. I was impulsive and inconsiderate, but my roommate is a great person and I think she will forgive us and be willing to try to make it work.
The talk went well and the cat even felt more secure with OP. Things seem to be in a far better place.
EDIT #2: Roommate and I have talked. I apologized to her for being selfish, ignorant, and for putting her cat in an uncomfortable situation. She forgave me and said she’d be happy to help do a proper introduction between the kitties. She said that if we do things slowly and carefully, her cat might be able to accept Banana Pudding. For now, our kitten will be staying in our room for the introduction process. She also taught me a little bit about cat body language and guys… her cat came and sat in my lap! She even purred! My roommate is a very kind and forgiving person and I’m very thankful that she chose to forgive me after I was such a huge AH to her. She played with Banana Pudding and gave me some cat food recommendations. I think things are gonna work out. Thanks everyone for your advice and criticism!
