I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s probably okay to have a line of behavior you require in your own home — and that expectation does absolutely extend to your adult children and their friends.
But u/throwaway__467 isn’t so sure.
You see, she had to take to Reddit’s Am I The Asshole subreddit to figure out if she was wrong or not to ask her son’s girlfriend to leave after a particularly rude utterance. Check it out:
OP’s son brought his girlfriend over — he is absolutely crazy about this young woman and seems to be everything the son was looking for.
My husband (58 M) and I (56 F) recently met my son’s (24 M) girlfriend for the first time. He’s been crazy about her. Apparently they’ve been dating for a year before he decided to have her meet us officially.
What he’s told us about her all seems great: she just got her degree, was enjoying her job, family-oriented, etc., I’m honestly just glad he’s happy with her. My husband and I don’t think he’s ever been this into someone before, so I feel pretty bad about what I did.
Again, the son really talked this girl up (as he should!) and when they came over for dinner, OP was primed for perfection.
Last weekend, he brought her over for dinner. By now we’d been anticipating meeting her with how much our son has been gushing about her. How perfect she is, that she’s ‘the one’, in his words.
The evening starts… well. It starts. The girlfriend rings the doorbell and —
They ring the doorbell. We open the door. She looks exactly like her pictures, which is a great start. My son is grinning ear to ear – another great start. We invite them in. She accepts my hug and a firm handshake from my husband, and then she opens her mouth:
Immediately talks about sex? With their son?
“I’m the one your son puts his penis in.”
OP was horrified; she owns that she may be reserved, but she thought this was just way beyond the pale.
To be frank, I was appalled. I expected my husband to laugh (both he and my son are jokesters, and as annoying as it can be I love it) but THIS was just too much for me. Maybe I’m reserved, but of all things she could have shared about my son she told us THAT. One look at my face and my husband knew how much I disapproved.
Her son thought it was amusing until he saw his mom’s face — and he immediately knew his girlfriend went too far.
Maybe I let my expectations get too high, and it’s unfair to have them, but I reiterate: of all things to say to her boyfriend’s parents – whom she’d never met – she chose THAT? My son was amused at first but when he noticed my reaction his face dropped.
OP was so disturbed by the visual that she got angry and told the girlfriend to leave. She was just too uncomfortable. And even her husband seemed to think it was too far of a joke for the girlfriend.
I felt like he’d sold me the full package, everything he’d always been looking for in a girlfriend. I was too disturbed by the visual it put in my head, and it translated into anger. I told her to get out, and I wanted to say more about how gross it made me feel but I fortunately left it at that. My son didn’t want to go, insisting I give her another chance, but I was too fed up and uncomfortable by this point. Even my husband, who’s enjoyed his fair share of raunchy jokes, wouldn’t let up.
Now OP feels bad and wants to apologize, but her husband thinks the girlfriend was in the wrong.
They left and I immediately felt guilty. This was something my son had really looked forward to and I feel like I took that away over a dumb joke. I tried calling to apologize but he hasn’t responded. My husband thinks she’s the one who should apologize. I’m considering giving her another chance, but before I do, was I the AH?
Absolutely boneheaded move from the girlfriend, right? But totally not worth lighting a bridge on fire – the girlfriend should definitely apologize, then everything’s fine.
One user wrote, “I think you guys just need a do over. She may have been nervous or thought it would go differently. I can’t say that’s ever a line that should be uttered, but it’s not something to permanently damage your relationship with your son and his partner. She should apologize, but I don’t know if she will. Hopefully, years from now, you guys will all laugh about how awkward the start of your relationship was.”
