Not only skipped the wedding, but Dad spent the evening with his son’s ex wife – hoo BOY, either u/flaggingd is the worst guy alive or his damn son is.
My money is on the latter, just based on the title that OP penned up for his Am I The Asshole post to Reddit, “I didn’t attend my son’s wedding, I instead spent the evening with his ex wife.”
OP explained that his son met a girl and got married AND had a baby very young; he told his son it was too fast, too early, but the son didn’t listen.
Quick backstory, after graduating high school my son moved 3 states away for college. At 19 he married a girl he met, I tried convincing him to wait because I personally felt he was too immature. They both dropped out and moved back here to his home town. At 20 they had their first child, a beautiful little girl. 16 months later, my DIL gave birth to their second child, a little boy.
After the first baby, OP and his wife felt their daughter in law was unhappy. When the second baby came, the son and his wife separated. She started sharing with OP what was going on and OP believed her.
After the first baby, my wife and I noticed our DIL wasn’t happy. We both thought it was PPD related. Just after the second arrived, my son and his wife separated. She would bring the kids over for a visit, it was then she began unloading on us. I know there’s two sides to every story, but considering I know my son, I believed her.
OP tried to talk to his son about his marriage, but was met with pure resistance.
I sat my son down numerous times to speak with him regarding his marriage. He refused to take responsibility, blamed her for everything even when I directly pointed out where he was the sole problem.
Eventually, the daughter in law filed for divorce; not three days later, the son announced a new girlfriend. Then fiancé.
They got into counseling, for a year things were ‘ok’ on the surface. Our DIL filed for divorce, my son 3 days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged.
Meanwhile, the ex had no other support system beyond OP and his wife. They helped her out financially and emotionally.
My son had forced his then wife to become a permanent SAHM at the birth of their first child. She of course had no other family or friends here, she knew no one aside from us. She had nowhere to go with two small children. Unbeknownst to our son, my wife and I helped her financially and got her an apartment.
OP’s son was planning a wedding before he was even divorced. OP said naw, I’m not going, and don’t bring this new woman around.
Before the divorce was even finalized, we received a wedding invitation. I made it clear to my son, I would not be attending and they would not have my blessing. His mother told him she would see to it that I would attend. I stayed consistent in my decision, I also asked him not to bring his fiancée around our house out of respect for the mother of his children.
OP and his daughter refused to go to this wedding; they instead spent the night with OP’s ex wife, supporting her.
The wedding happened on Feb 11. The night before, my wife gave me the finial push. I did not attend. Our daughter, also did not attend for the same reasons. My wife picked up our grandkids, got them dressed and attended the wedding. My daughter and I decided to spend the evening with his ex. I couldn’t imagine her sitting alone, while her kid’s attended their father’s wedding.
She was taken aback that I didn’t end up attending his wedding. We took her out to distract her mind. I just wanted her to know, she’ll always be considered family to us. My daughter also made a joke they can drop the in-law status and just be sisters now. She was very tearfully grateful, I realized just how badly she needed our support and specifically on that night.
The son, once he found out where Dad was, was furious.
The next morning, my son called to tell me how much of a horrible father I am for not attending his wedding. Few days later he caught wind that I spent the wedding evening with his ex. He said that was the ultimate form of betrayal, and further myself and his sister would have to earn an relationship with him on his terms only.
OP added an edit saying he feels good about not attending.
*****ETA: First, I’d like to sincerely thank each and everyone of you for your support, encouragement, and all the awards. I know without a doubt, I did the right thing. I even feel differently now, his mother should not have attended either. But we can’t go back and undo that.
He also shared that the son saw the post and is even more angry with OP.
So, my son saw the post. I had sent my daughter the link yesterday so she could read the comments. This morning she texts me at work…DAD YOU WENT VIRAL! Lol But anyways, he sent screenshots of the post and all my comments to his mom. He also told her…”He’s dead to me now.” Time will tell if he means that. I’m sure he’ll see this update too. For that reason, I’m positively certain the second he needs another cash loan I won’t be dead anymore.
Meanwhile, OP is still going to be there for his grandkids and his former daughter in law.
His mom told him, “Your children have to be our number one priority.” They’re not just some disposable items you can leave behind when one chapter of your life closes. Maybe one day, he’ll understand this.
What a crappy son! I’m so glad that OP’s DIL had a supportive figure for her throughout this. Reddit was glad too.
“NTA – this is funny, you have to “earn” a relationship on his terms. I think he needs to check his offering. He’s way over valuing what he brings to the table,” wrote another user.
A third said, “NTA- it sounds like you’re a reasonable parent who acknowledges when your kid is being an idiot. I don’t see anything wrong with you choosing to support the mother of your grandchildren who he seems to have left in a bad spot.”