Kate Hackett
Family relationships are hard enough without adding a wedding to the mix, but it does seem inevitable that a wedding will occur and eventually, someone will get angry.
u/No-Pressure3284 recently took to Reddit to wonder if he would be wrong to do a mother-son dance with his stepmother at his wedding.
The answer is, of course, not at all! But feelings get involved and people have Opinions — so let’s check out the story below.
OP explains that he is planning his wedding. His parents were divorced when he was 5.
I’m (29M) currently planning a wedding and were getting into the nitty gritty details. For background my parents got divorced when I was 5. The divorce happened after my dad fell in love with his current wife/my stepmom Alice.
OP’s dad fell for his new wife, Alice, and said that they never cheated. OP doesn’t know that for sure, but he doesn’t really care.
They claim they didn’t cheat but waited to be separated before anything physical happened. I dont know or need to know whether thats true at this point. My dad and Alice got married and were living together by the time I was 7.
By the time he was 7, his dad and Alice were married and they had his two siblings. Alice was always a mother figure to him.
They had my two siblings within the next 4 years. My parents had split custody and Alice was 100% a mother figure to me. We are very close, she’s been there for me for every tough moment of my life. She also helped pay for my college and grad school which I’m extremely appreciative of.
OP says his mom is a good mom, but they just weren’t as close as OP was to his father and Alice.
My mom is a good mom but we’ve never been as close as I am with my dad and Alice. Our personalities are just very different.
As OP plans his wedding, he explains that they’re plotting out the first dances.
We’re planning the first dances right now and have my first dance with my fiancee and she has hers picked out with her dad. Her parents are still married so there’s no drama there.
He doesn’t want to exclude Alice from the first dances and asked her to join in. She was thrilled.
Being so close to Alice, I really dont feel right excluding her and only doing a dance with my mom, so I asked her if she’d be comfortable doing one with me as well. She was overjoyed and cried with emotion. I’m really excited for it.
But OP’s mother was furious; she felt replaced.
But once my mom found out she flipped out. Said I’m replacing her like my dad replaced her. I told her its not a replacement but she’s been so supportive of me my entire life and I consider her a true “bonus mother” so I dont want to exclude her. She doesnt want to accept that.
OP’s mom’s sister also ripped into OP and though he knows it’s tough, the split dance is really what he wants to do. So now he’s left to wonder: was he wrong?
Yesterday my aunt (mom’s sister) called me and ripped me a new one. I know its a little controversial but in my heart its what I really want to do. AITA for going through with this and having two mother son dances?
Personally, I’ve been to a few weddings with steps involved where there were two mother son or father daughter and it seemed really sweet, not like overkill. I would do shortened versions of the songs so it wont be too long if that matters.
Reddit said there were “No Assholes Here” by and large. And I agree. Of course OP’s mom’s feelings are hurt. But equally so, of course OP wants his step mom involved.
“You are allowed to include your step mom and your mom is allowed to be upset you are choosing your dad’s affair partner (because absolutely they did not wait to be physical, and clearly didn’t wait on the emotional) to be honored the same,” wrote one user.
Another, however, voted, “YTA”.
