Patricia Grisafi
Look, sex work is work. To keep having this conversation is bonkers. People go to work. They provide a service. They are compensated financially for their service. And they can use that money any way they wish.
For one Redditor who worked as a stripper, she bought a flat. Good for her! Most of us have trouble even making rent. Anyway, she got pregnant with her boyfriend, and he’s been saying all kinds of weird stuff — like how they can’t live together in the house she bought with her hard-earned money. Redditors are warning her to kick this guy to the curb.
“For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (sh-tty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy. Before I ‘retired,’ I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent,” the OP writes.
“I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we’ve been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf).”
A month ago we found out that I’m 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he’d be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby’s room while he doesn’t. Also, I really don’t want to leave my flat. It’s my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month.
However, he then said that he didn’t want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn’t want to live in my flat. I asked him why not – it’s a great flat, it’s central to everything, it’s spacious, it’s got room for all his stuff, there’s a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on – and he said that he didn’t want to live in a flat that was bought with ‘stripper money.'”
That really pissed me off, and I told him no f*cking way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my ‘stripper money’ paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn’t giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don’t feel ashamed of. He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said ‘wouldn’t that still be stripper money?’ and he said ‘that’s different,’ and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re in this state.'”
He’s gone back to his flat now and he’s texted me saying I’m overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn’t feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn’t on the deed because it’s my place and it ‘would never feel like our place’ because of this.
I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it’s just my place and I feel I’m being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I’m in the wrong here.
Um, no. Do not sell your objectively better place. It doesn’t matter how you purchased it, and you have every right to be proud about how you busted your butt to make this home happen! His insecurity is a red flag.
“‘I can’t talk to you when you’re in this state.’ Saying I’m overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. NTA. This is classic gaslighting behavior. He also wants to co-own with you at only 18 months into the relationship? Helllll no,” said
“Co-own a house SHE pays for with money from the home that she earned with no contribution for him, I might add. He’s just taking advantage of her for a free house,” observed
“His statement of ‘think about this realistically rather than emotionally’ is what pissed me off. I mean, he’s the one thinking of this emotionally – his fee fee’s are hurt because she bought the flat from money she earned stripping. Period. Realistically the apartment is spacious, in a great location and is perfect for starting a new family. She is the one thinking realistically in this scenario, not him. NTA. This is a hill to die on, OP,” advised
“NTA. Sell your place and use the money to buy a new place huh? How much would he be pitching in on the new place since he wants to be on the deed so badly? Since he’s renting I’m guessing 0. This guy is a loser who just can’t handle that you’ve been more successful at life and wants to use you as a leg up,” observed
The OP updated her post and said she got rid of this loser. Good for her!
“Update on the off chance anyone sees this: I dumped him. There was a whole conversation and during the conversation he said he didn’t want to be a parent if I wasn’t willing to do everything he wanted, including sharing a house/deed (plus staying together). Also, at the start of the conversation I said what a few people suggested, which was that I’d be willing to sell and split the house with him, provided he paid 50%, and he got very very angry, very very quickly. He also said a few other things, so IDK how it’s all going to pan out just yet, but it looks like I’m going to be a single mother.”
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