Kate Hackett
This one will be a delightfully easy judgment, won’t it!
Because there’s no world in which u/Throw_A3632ESD4 tells a story that justifies the absurdity of that request from her husband. But hey — let’s read on.
I’m (f32) the breadwinner and have a toddler and a 9 month old baby. Their needs are neverending and everything I buy is expensive.
Yeah, that sounds pricey! OP explains that she’s the breadwinner and buys everything.
My husband (m37) is unemployed but uses part of my salary for his subscribtion/paid streaming services which cost about 80+ a month for Hulu (premium) Netflex, HBO, Amazon, ESPN+ and more. I keep finding myself coming up short with money.
Husband is unemployed, though theoretically in charge of child care so that’s a job, but money is tight for the young family.
I kept neglecting buying hygiene products and have only one pair of shoes that look decent. I can’t remember the last time I bought anything nice for myself and keep feeling guilty just thinking of going shopping for stuff that is neccessary. I sat him down for a discussion and told him his subscribtions are taking money I can’t keep paying for them when I have other responsibilities. I asked him to choose one channel and he threw a fit calling me ridiculous to think streaming services are the reason I’m always short on money and blamed it on the “expensive” and “unneccessary” makeup he calls it “fakeup” I keep wasting money on. I got angry and said he needed to respect that makeup is part of my personality and won’t quit buying and wearing it.
This is the first time I’ve ever heard the term “fakeup” and I hate it, thanks.
OP’s husband threw a fit when she tried to talk to him about budgeting more intelligently, threw the fact that women are almost REQUIRED to buy shit like makeup and hair care in her face, and basically acted like a jerk of a child.
He said that I was trying to financially control him since I got offended when he pointed out that I waste money on makeup and explained that he can not and WILL NOT be bought with money nomatter how desperate he is. I said ok then let me cancel all streaming services and keep one til he can pay for them once he finds a job but he refused and said since he’s the stahp then those streaming services are a right and not a privilage and I should keep paying for them without complaining since he’s staying with our sons all day and it’s taxing just like my job.
Then this guy screams financial abuse, which like, what? She said they can’t afford ALL the services. Seems normal.
Final straw was when he suggested I stop buying formula and go back to breastfeeding since that is unneceassary and expensive. I was floored and was seething I lashed out at him asking him if he literally thought cancelling formula is better than his precious subscribtions. Also I work I have no time to breastfeed. He just said he doesn’t know what it is anymore and that I was pushing him but I told him he no longer has the choice and I’ll just stop paying for all his channels/subscribtions alrogether which had him reply that I was being unfair and un-appreciative of his efforts. He stormed off after calling me controlling and kept cold shouldering me.
He suggests she stops buying formula for the baby instead of canceling the streaming services, shouts ABUSE again, and storms off. What a baby.
AITA?
Edit: No he left his previous job due to issues with his employer. He struggled with finding a job in his field and refused to work in other related fields saying his dignity won’t let him since he worked hard for his degree.
OP explains that he’s struggling to find a job and refusing to work at other places. “Dignity” or something.
My makeup gets replaced every few months. It normally cost 50+ but that’s every few months not every month.
I have no idea why she had to justify how much she spends on makeup, but she told us.
I stopped breastfeeding for health issues and now work but he never stopped criticizing my decision to use formula calling it waste of money when I could push past the pain and provide our son with real benefits.
And again, why is she justifying this? Good grief.
I still do the majority of work around the apartment.
OF COURSE SHE DOES.
Reddit was resolutely on her side, as am I. Let’s check out some of the top replies:
Okay, let me get this straight.
You’re the breadwinner, he’s the SAHP. Fine so far. But why does he need 5+ streaming channels if he literally works at home to keep the home tidy, everyone fed and the children taken care of? He shouldn’t have the time to need them all. How well does he even take care of your sons?
This might seem like I’m reaching, but, well, he really seems to spend more time with his channels than his children. Which is not acceptable for a SAHP, if you ask me. I think it’s time you give him a surprise visit when he doesn’t expect you and check on your children. If you cannot do it, ask a close friend or family member that you can trust with your keys. Because something doesn’t add up here.
On a second note, when money is tight, luxuries need to go first. And I’d see (too many) streaming channels as well as (semi-)expensive make-up equally as luxuries. However, formula for your youngest is non-negotiable. That’s a need, not a luxury. The alternative – if it was even possible – would be for you to quit your job to breastfeed. However, that will only exacerbate your monetary struggles.
Also, who is in control of your finances? Are you sure your husband isn’t spending or taking money he shouldn’t? I know you didn’t give me a single reason to suspect this, but is behavior is so far out of the norm (including his narc traits) that I’m not sure he doesn’t do anything to keep you struggling.
Either way, NTA.
ETA: After reading the edits and some comments, my judgement obviously stays the same. However, he’s even more of an AH than I originally thought.
And the real question …
