Kate Hackett
It’s probably a little weird for a wife to constantly forget your birthday, especially ten years into the relationship, but people have quirks! Still, if it matters to you, you’d think you’d say something about it.
u/XesLanaLear recently asked Reddit if he was an assh*le “for letting my wife forget my birthday?” Here’s why Reddit said YUP, YOU ARE:
OP and his wife have been together for ten years and have a lot of things back to back toward the end of the year.
Together 10 years, 2 kids, bunch of animals. Every year we have a whole slew of things back to back. Our anniversary and her birthday close to each other, then daughter’s birthday, Halloween, my birthday, son’s birthday, and Christmas all spaced about 3 weeks between each.
Everything except OP’s birthday gets a big to-do made over it — and the wife even remembers the dogs’ birthdays.
We made big deals of our anniversary, her birthday, daughter’s birthday, Halloween, and son got a mother son trip to do a bunch of his interests last week as an early part of his birthday. She remembers two of our dogs have a birthday two days from now.
The first year they were together, OP’s wife pushed for a big celebration of his birthday. He liked it.
First year she wanted to make a big deal of my birthday – I hated my birthdays and wanted nothing to do with it. But she pushed and it was really good.
Then she started to forget! OP didn’t really mind, he never liked his birthday, but he felt a bit overlooked.
So for the next 6 years of our relationship she could not remember my birthday. It kinda sucked, but whatever. I’ve never liked my birthday like I said. Once or twice someone from her family would remind her in time.
He explains that over the last few years, she started to remember … but he realized that it was because he’d set up social media accounts with his birthday listed.
Then last couple years she remembered it and felt nice she seemed to have made the effort. Realized recently I think it was because I’d just set up social media accounts around then, notifications.
So he turned off the birthday date, I guess to confirm that that was helping her remember? And now he’s butt hurt? What is with this guy.
Turned it off. And I’m already 99% sure she has no idea. I’m a little dejected about it.
TL:DR – wife forgot my birthday because I took her notification for it away cuz I thought she just.. remembered by now.
AITA if I just let her forget?
OP also added in an edit that she seems to remember everything BUT his birthday.
I expressed gratitude and appreciation after the first birthday we celebrated together. Best birthday I’d had. The next 6 years were standard routine of forgetting; expressed disappointment on a base level but was trying not to foster guilt.
Remembered for 2 years, also expressed surprise and gratitude that she actually remembered. No mention of how or why. This year I set my social media birthday info off.
So she didn’t have her own reminders in the first place, and I just changed my own privacy settings to find out. She remembers hers, the pets’, the kids’, and her friends’/blood relatives’ birthdays off the top of her head. Didn’t add to the original post for character limit.
What a weird guy. Such a “cut off your nose to spite your face” story; let the woman have the crutch, good lord.
Reddit agreed that there seemed to be no winning with this guy.
“So you hate your birthday but are upset she forgot. Have you talked about it with her? Have you expressed that you were dissapointed that she forgot your birthday in the past? And then you sabatoge her by turning off the notifications on social media to kinda ensure that she forgets. YTA for not talking to her about it and then sabatoging her to ensure she does. That all being said, you have been together 10 years so she SHOULD by now remember your birthday,” wrote one user.
