Kate Hackett
Redditor u/shouldhavestayednbed hopped on Reddit’s famed Am I The Assh*le page to wonder if she was the asshole for belittling her sister’s finances and marriage.
As with all things AITA, there’s more to this story here.
Here’s how u/shouldhavestayednbed tells it:
I am Indian. Arranged marriages are a big thing here. The story starts when I was 18. My sister, Ani (who also had an arranged marriage to Abe and had 2 kids) tried to convince my parents to marry me off to Abe’s close friend and business partner, Ben (who was 29 back then).
One sister pushes an arranged marriage on the OP. This doesn’t sound good…
I was naive back then and everyone convinced me to marry Ben because he is nice and he would let me continue my studies and even let me work. My sister told me that getting married early meant that i get to spend more time to love him. She convinced me that arranged marriages work and I would be happy.
Okay, so far sounds fine…
I believed them and agreed. Few days before my marriage, I found out that Abe owed Ben a lot of money and Ben said that he would forgive Abe’s debt if he gets to marry me. I freaked out and “tested” Ben. I told him that I have already applied and paid the fees for my college. He yelled at me and told me that I shouldn’t do anything without his permission. He told me that he was gonna let me study but now he is not going to.
Well. Yikes. Oh, yikes, yikes, YIKES. So OP’s sister and her husband conspired to get OP into an abusive marriage.
I ran away from home that night with nothing but the clothes on my back. Cut everyone off. Went to a new city. Busted my ass in college. Got a great job. Fell in love. Got married to another childfree Indian.
OH THANK GOD, she ran away. Phew. But then…
A year ago, my sister reached out to me. She found me by hiring someone to find me. She started off by wanting to be sisters again. Slowly, she started asking me for money. Snide remarks about how Abe threw her out of the house after I ran, how Ben screwed their family and left them nearly homeless as revenge, etc. It’s like she is bi polar. Sometimes, she tells me that she too wished that she had run away and found a life like mine. Sometimes, she tells me that I was a selfish bitch that ruined her family and marriage.
The sister found her. And despite the allure of reconnection, it quickly soured.
She was going on one such rant yesterday and I lost it. I pretty much told her that it is not my fault that she is poor or that her marriage is miserable. I abruptly cut her off again and refused to send her any more money.
Aita here because she really does need that money and I earn enough that the amount I was sending her monthly wasn’t making any dents for me. It also means that Abe might throw her / the kids out of the house again.
She called me crying and apologising but I told her to stop calling and blocked her.
She was married off when she was 20. She was never allowed to work. She doesn’t have any support system there. So, I feel really guilty.
Here’s where it gets sticky. Obviously the sister f-cked up. But the sister is ALSO in an abusive relationship—at what point does saving yourself from verbal cruelty supersede helping someone who is actively being abused?
I’ll admit: I don’t know. That’s really hard.
Reddit, not at all known for its nuanced takes, was less wishy-washy with their verdict.
NTA, you should of cut contact and never went back. They sound like they were selling you into slavery to be honest.
Sister, why was it ok for you to treat me poorly and lie to me but its my fault that you did it and when I found out I left? She sounds like all she cares is about money. You should of kept her gone for selling your body/virginity/whatever so her husband would get out of debt.
I have learned that anyone that wants to marry a barely legal (18/19) person and is over 10 years older its a huge red flag
your sister sounds super manipulative. If she has that big of a problem why doesnt she sell herself like she tried to do to you (I am petty)
Here’s a bit of a more balanced look at the whole thing.
So what do you think? Where do these chips fall?
