Patricia Grisafi
Losing a partner is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. Hopefully, the love and support of family can get you through it. However, not everyone has an ideal family situation.
One woman on Reddit who recently lost her fiancé in a work-related accident is unfortunately coping with both her partner’s death as well as a less-than-sympathetic family who is more focused on getting her engagement ring back than carrying her through her grief.
Is the OP wrong to want to keep this family heirloom or are her fiancés family simply vultures?
“I (31F) recently lost my fiancee (37M) Jake. We’ve been together for 6 years. His death was unexpected and I’m still mourning. At the funeral (which I arranged and paid for) his brother (32M) Jim asked me when I’m going to return the engagement ring to the family,” the OP writes.
“For context, the engagement ring with which Jake proposed is an ancient family heirloom. It’s a gorgeous ring but what makes it priceless is the story behind it. Jake got the ring from his grandma a month after we started dating, he claimed he knew back then he would marry me some day and wanted to get his grandma’s blessings on the ring. When he proposed his grandma already passed away so having the blessings put on the ring made it extra special for the both of us.”
“I asked Jim if he’s serious to which he said yes, apparently his long term girlfriend Stacy saw the ring a while ago and fell in love with it and the story behind it so she kept nagging him to get her something similar, which he couldn’t. He figured since I can no longer marry Jake he can propose to Stacy with it. I told him that he is rude, that the ring was blessed especially for Jake and I in mind, and even if that wasn’t the case bringing it up during Jakes funeral is incredibly disrespectful.”
“After the funeral I got a message from Stacy saying it would mean the world for her to be the new owner of the ring and I could always think of her and Jim’s wedding as the bittersweet ending to my relationship. She said the ring was blessed so one of the grandsons can marry the love of his life, and since Jim is the only living grandson left he has a claim to it. I blocked her.”
“My ex MIL also reached out to me and said that although she understands my pain I can’t keep the ring since it’s a family heirloom, so I should suck it up and give it to Jim. I snapped and told her no, the ring is staying with me and following me to the grave if need be. It’s a beautiful symbol of Jake’s love and I won’t let Jim and Stacy sully that memory of him.”
“The ring is legally mine so all they can do is cry about it and be bitter. They keep harassing me on social media saying I’m a bad person and that I stole the family heirloom to spite Jim and Stacy out of jealousy but I ignore them. Today I met up with my brother and he said that although Jim’s approach was highly inappropriate, I’m being selfish for keeping the ring as a keep sake. I could always wear different jewelry that Jake bought me in his memory but they could never replace an heirloom that’s been in their family for generations. I’m now back home and I can’t stop thinking about it, up until this point I was sure I did everything right but maybe I’m just being blinded by my grief. A friend suggested I ask for an objective opinion and recommend this place, so AITA?”
This poor woman. What do Redditors think she should do?
“Since you paid for the funeral, and they didn’t, offer to sell them the ring back for the cost of the funeral. If you’re not family entitled to keep the heirloom in their opinion, you shouldn’t have had to pay for the funeral expenses. The brother was an AH to ask for it at the funeral. Otherwise keep it. NTA,” said walkingdeadite33.
“You were family enough to pay for the funeral. You were family enough to have grandmother’s blessing. You were family enough to your partner. The ring is yours, Op. The memory is yours. Gift it to someone whose love you want to bless, if you so choose. Otherwise, do what makes you happy. NTA,” said 666Sweet666.
“It’s not like OP just showed up, they’d been together for 6 years and the owner of the ring gave it FOR HER. The brother approached her at the funeral that OP arranged and paid for and asked for the ring. That was horrifically inappropriate and cold hearted. So IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUNERAL (I feel like I can’t stress this enough) the brother demanded the ring back, and now over however many days or weeks of grieving, several people are harassing OP for this ring…The ring GIVEN TO HER by her fiancé, that again, was given by the grandmother. NTA op, please just block them all,” advised amazonpixie81.
“I personally would keep the ring, but keep in mind that on my death or before when I felt it was time ,I would return it to a next generation child in that family. What would your fiancée have wanted? Did you all ever discuss what would happen to the jewelry if you had broken up or divorced? His brother’s wife feeling entitled is disgusting what if your fiancée had not passed was she going to demand it once you got married? I would have a plan of a safe place to keep the ring sad if she wants it that bad theft may happen. Perhaps he has a cousin or another close relative that has a child you can earmark it for in the future. His mom is also grieving so I can see her wanting to pull what is left of her child and family together but for them to harass you at a funeral is too much. Do you have other items or photos that you could share with her you both were important woman in his life?” suggested Salamandajoe.
“BITTERSWEET ENDING??? How entitled is she to think her marriage would ease the pain of loosing your fiance? F*ck her. NTA,” said WaldoClown, speaking for us all.
THE OP added that she was considering giving the ring to Jake’s cousin and also paying for her college tuition using the life insurance money she got:
“Jake has one cousin (10F) that lives far away, I used to babysit her while her parents still lived in town. I think I’ll gift her the ring after she graduates HS and pay for her college tuition using the life insurance money I got, I hope that way I can do right by both Jake and his grandma. They say time heals, hopefully 8 years will be enough for me to let go of the ring, if not, I guess we’ll see then.”
