Patricia Grisafi
Being pregnant is scary — especially when you’re meeting a new doctor.
There are a lot of vulnerable feelings — you’re basically putting your life and the life of your developing baby into the hands of a stranger. Sometimes, though, you don’t mesh with the doctor.
And in that case, it’s probably best to move on to a new doctor.
One Redditor definitely did not mesh with her new OB/GYN and feels like her concerns were not taken seriously and that she was also slut-shamed.
“I know the title sounds crazy so hear me out. Am I really the a*shole for this? I (25F) and my boyfriend (25M) are expecting our first child together. We have been together for 6 years, so it is what you would consider a long term relationship. We had our first prenatal appointment yesterday and this is what went down. For starters, this is my first time at this certain clinic, and therefore, my first time with this OB/GYN,” the OP writes.
She chose to act out at her appointment in response. Was she wrong? Should she have taken a different approach when expressing her disappointment?
“We get to the clinic and OB/GYN comes into the room. Right away she seemed rushed, and a little rude, making me feel like my questions were stupid, you know, basic stuff you would expect. Exams were performed and all nothing huge.
At the end of the appointment, she told me that I would have to get my blood drawn from the lab. Of course I knew this was coming but it really didn’t make it easier. I have a huge fear of needles and it especially sucks when you’re pregnant. So I said something like, ‘Okay sure. I’m just really scared of needles, so it won’t be easy…’ My OB/GYN laughed and replied that if I thought needles were bad, I would just have to wait and see how bad giving birth is.
It kind of stung when she said that to me because it felt like she wasn’t taking a genuine fear of mine seriously. I replied that yes of course giving birth hurts but it didn’t change the fact that I still hate needles and getting poked and blood and all. She then said, ‘You obviously have no problem with having sex, so you can handle something smaller poking you.’ I was floored.
“Now, this OB/GYN wasn’t crazy old so that was another reason I was taken aback by her statement. And wondering why? She literally works with pregnant women. Me and my boyfriend aren’t married and obviously don’t have rings on our fingers, so maybe she had an issue with that?”
“So, as much as it hurt, I knew that I shouldn’t take this woman seriously after THAT comment. I asked her if her mother was the virgin Mary or something, since she had a problem with sex. OB turned to me with a scowl. I then continued with my sh*tty acting skills: ‘Wait…if your mother was the virgin Mary…that means…Oh my god! You must be the second coming of Jesus!!!!! Ohh it’s a miracle!!! Bless Jesussss.’ Out of breath, I put my arms up in the air and started singing “HOLY HOLY HOOOLLLLLLLY, LORDDD GOD OF MOSTTTTTTT!”
“So after she witnessed this she kept quiet, grabbed her things and walked out of the room, which is what I wanted. My boyfriend burst out laughing, hunched over, which caused a similar reaction from me. It was such a spontaneous thing I had done, but I loved it. And you know, the overwhelming joy was actually enough for me to get through the blood test…so yay I guess?”
“Anyway, me and my mom went out to dinner together today. She asked me about the first appointment and I told her about what transpired. My mom was upset and said that it was wrong of me to act crazy during the appointment, and that we should have just got up and walked away if we didn’t like the OB/GYN. AITA?”
Redditors had some mixed thoughts about this one.
“ESH. Was the doctor rude? Yes. Did you act like a child ? Yes. I reread 3 times and I still don’t get how you got to the ‘my doctor has a problem with me being pregnant without being married idea.’ I can’t believe you’re about to become a parent,” said
“ESH – that OB/GYN needs to work on her bedside manner but your behavior didn’t help anything. You jumped to conclusions thinking she had a problem with you not being married. She sees unmarried pregnant women all day long. Maybe you are projecting your insecurities about being unmarried and pregnant? You doing that holy roller act is just bizarre. It is best for both of you to find another doctor,” noted
“I’m gonna go with NTA- but my take is: The doctor is the real a*shole here- but yes you were very immature in response. You can shut someone down without being immature. You can also report her for her comments,” explained
“ESH – your OB told a ‘joke’ that was bad at best, inappropriate at worst. You way overreacted and were, honestly, a jerk as well. There were so many better ways to handle that situation and you took the low road. It might be best for both of you (and your baby) for you to find a new OB for the balance of your pregnancy. As a mom of two, I can say that having an OB or midwife you like and trust is KEY to having a positive birth experience. It doesn’t sound like you’ll have that with this doctor,” advised
“YTA. Just ugh…I know someone who does this. Blowing everything out of proportion and then thinking you’re hilarious for it. It’s literally embarrassing to be around her and her overreactions to stupid things. Your OB was inappropriate, but you are too. Please get your emotional control in check before having your baby. Stupid comments shouldn’t cause that kind of reaction from you, especially in public/professional settings,” said
“NTA. I’m honestly confused by all the comments calling OP an asshole. The doc was absolutely in the wrong here. Literally the first point on the CDC’s guide to dealing with patients with needle fears is ‘Let your patients and family members know you understand that extreme needle fears and phobia are a real concern, to decrease feelings of shame and fear.‘ The doc should never have responded with a ‘you think THIS is bad’ comment and then doubled down with that frankly strange comment about OP having sex. Doctor set a standard of mockery and petty joking, and OP responded in the same tone. Sure, it might’ve been better if OP ‘rose above’ but she has no responsibility to do as the more vulnerable party in the doctor/patient relationship,” stated
Featured Image: Pexels
