Kate Hackett
I’ve been singularly lucky to witness in-law relations that are healthy and positive, but I understand that they aren’t always like that. In fact, sometimes those relationships are downright mean and people take a lot of abuse in the quest for peace.
u/J_M461 faced just that when she posted to the “Am I The A*Hole” subreddit wondering if she was wrong during a heated argument with her mother in law. Here’s her story:
OP starts by explaining that she’s never had a warm relationship with the Mother in Law and there are some seriously clear favorites in the household.
Hey, so am I (F27) the asshole for telling my MIL (F57) to go fuck herself. So my husband (M31) has a really close relationship with his Mom. It never really bothered me, I thought it was sweet. He has sisters but when I first met his family it became clear to me that my husband was his mothers favourite. She showered him with love and attention, his sisters didn’t really get that.
Like, the woman actually wore white on OP’s wedding day. Yikes.
When we first met she looked at me up and down saying, “yes I know all about you”. I thought nothing of it. It’s been like this for a few years, snide comment after snide comment. When I told my husband about it he shook it off telling me it was in my head and I was just feeling insecure. We got married a year ago. His mother wore white to our wedding, it was kind of weird but I decided not to ruin the day.
And then the MIL started sending OP links about how to keep her husband happy, about getting pregnant. Uh, OP, where is your dumb husband in this? Shouldn’t he be telling her to knock it off?
After we were married my MIL started sending me links to websites about trying for babies, and ways to keep husbands satisfied in a relationship. I let her know now was not the time for a baby but when it was she would be the first to know. At Christmas she bought the topic of babies at the dinner table in front of the family. “Have you guys been trying?” , “How frequently?”, “I have a few websites you can read ”.
OP answers my question by explaining that her husband is an astronomical dick. Got it.
I calmly shut it down, my husband said nothing. When we got home I asked my husband why he didn’t say anything. He told me maybe it would be good for me to take the advice and instead of blaming his mother, take a harsh look at myself in the mirror. I was hurt but he apologised and everything went back to normal.
The MIL commented again on getting pregnant, and on “working harder” in the bedroom. OP told her to go f* herself — and for some reason neglected to tell her husband the same thing.
Fast forward to Wednesday, my husband and I were dropping off some baskets for the easter egg hunt my in-law has for my nieces and nephews every year. My mother in law said “you look like you’ve gained a bit, are you pregnant yet” I was floored, again my husband was silent. I told her no and she frowned, “from what I’ve heard you need to work a little bit harder in the bedroom, then it might work”. I looked at her and straight out told her to to go fuck herself and mind her business.
OP sat in the car and waited for an Uber to get her out of the situation. Her husband did nothing (see a pattern yet?)
She told me that I was being too sensitive and I needed to show her a little more respect, she was just looking out for her baby. I left immediately and went to the car. My husband followed me and asked what the fuck was wrong with me, I told him straight out that she has no place in my sex life and I wanted to know what he had been telling her. He told me to suck it up, I need to respect his mother and that she means well. I was done, I wouldn’t even get in the car, I stood there yelling back and forth with him until my Uber came.
OP has stayed with her family, who are unified in supporting her. His family has been treating her even more terribly than before.
It’s been a few days and I’m staying at my sister’s house. My family have said I was right but I have received multiple calls from my husband’s family calling me a bitch and that I should be ashamed of myself, and I should apologise to my mother in law. Fat chance, I just need to know if I am in the wrong, I feel like I’m being made to feel crazy. I’m slowly getting there. So AITA for telling my MIL to go fuck herself?
And then she adds some bombshells — her birth control pills have not been reliably where she left them. Good lord, girl.
Edit: I’ve seen a couple people mention and I thought I would add, we don’t use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them. However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly.
Edit 2: Hey I’ve been reading your comments for the last few hours and I’m not gonna lie I’m super freaked out. I’m going to stay at my sister’s for tonight, tomorrow my brother is going to get my important belongings from our place. I’m gonna take a pregnancy test tomorrow just in case and look into getting a lawyer. I’m avoiding my husbands calls and eating pizza with my sister, fingers crossed all goes well. Thanks everyone for the advice. I will update soon.
