You HAVE to read this entire story before making a judgment because the title alone isn’t enough to discern one way or another if u/BackgroundReporter35 was an assh*le.
You’ve probably had your fair share of weird, rough dates, right? I know I have. But never, ever have I had to deal with a male temper tantrum because I wouldn’t invite him inside my house. What a douchenozzle.
Our OP recently posted on the AITA subreddit wondering if she had some poor behavior during a date (technically.. after). I’ll let her explain it:
OP explains that she went on a date with a decent guy, maybe a little full of himself. It wasn’t a bad time and he walked her home after.
I (22F) recently went out on a date with a guy (25M) that I met on Tinder. We never met before our date, but we texted for about a week prior, and I thought he was a really nice guy. Our date went well; he was a little pompous, and a little overly-flirty, but a nice guy nonetheless. We live in a college town, and the restaurant we went to was walking distance to my apartment, so he offered to walk me home after.
OP accepts and the walk home was fine… until the dude tried to go inside and “show her some local bars” he knew (…she’s a local).
I thought this was such a green flag, and really appreciated his offer as it was late and getting dark outside. I accept his offer, he walks me home, and I tell him how much I appreciate it—I even try to set up another date on the spot. He then offers to come inside and show me a few local bars he knows of (I thought this was weird because he knows I’m a local) so I tell him we could get together in the morning for coffee so he can show me, my treat.
He keeps pushing for the invite in, including a “can I use the bathroom” trick. OP sees right through it.
He tries pretty hard to convince me that it’s still early and we can plan it really quickly, but I tell him I want to work on a few homework assignments. He accepts this, but then asks to come in and use my bathroom, which kind of made my heart sink.
She offers him the leasing office restroom and the guy threw a temper tantrum and left.
I tell him he can use my leasing office restroom which is right inside the lobby of my apartment, and he became noticeably irritated. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it was something along the lines of “I didn’t realize you were such an uptight b****. I’ll use the 7/11 bathroom.” And he walked away! I felt horrible, am I wrong?
Not that she has to justify not letting someone into her house, but she has previously also had a very bad experience with someone and she’s not comfortable.
A pretty important detail-I had a bad experience with bringing a guy I didn’t know that well over to my apartment last year, and I make it a point not to do it anymore. This is something that, unfortunately, is no longer in my comfort zone as a woman living alone.
Yep, not an asshole at all.
“You can tell a lot about a person by how they respond to your boundaries. NTA,” wrote boxing_coffee.
NTA. The bathroom thing was a blatantly obvious second tactic to get inside the door after the first one failed. If you need any more evidence, well if he really needed to use the bathroom he’d have jumped at the chance to use the one in the leasing office, regardless of whether he understood why you didn’t want to let him in.
NTA it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Good job trusting your intuition!
NTA He had other things in mind. When someone has a bathroom emergency, they don’t care when the bathroom is. I am glad you did everything to feel comfortable and be safe.
So what would you have done? I think she behaved perfectly acceptably AND intelligently.
Bored Panda reached out to the original poster and wanted to know if men had ever spoken to her like that before.
“I have had men talk to me like that before but never in person,” she told them. “It’s usually over text if I refuse to send photos or if I don’t feed into their flirting.”
Bored Panda asked if she thought men knew how scary it can be to invite a man into your apartment. “I think the good men can understand how difficult it is to be a woman sometimes,” she said. On the other hand, however, she told us, “I got a lot of replies from men saying I was ridiculous, and that I shouldn’t have met a guy on a dating app if I didn’t want sex.”
On if this experience soured her feelings on online dating: “This experience DID change my experience about online dating, mainly because of the replies I got,” she explained. “I got a lot of people telling me I shouldn’t let men walk me home at all! I want women and men to know they can say no to aggressive people without being ‘rude’ or ‘b*tchy’.”
h/t: Bored Panda