Kate Hackett
We have a story here today from u/TnksgvngThrowaway567 about how she had to uninvite her mother in law from their Thanksgiving. As we all know, in law relationships can be tricky — so what do you think here? Was she wrong to do so?
OP explains that she has been planning to host Thanksgiving and has been running herself ragged with the preparations.
This year I (32F) am hosting Thanksgiving at my house and I have been working all month on coming up with the menu and testing all my recipes. I am so excited to share my cooking with my family and my husband (35M) has been supportive and helpful through all the planning and prepwork. I have bought all the ingredients and I have a beautiful variety of dishes planned (both traditional and a few unique additions).
Her husband told her that his mother wants to bring her own food. OP was shocked and the only answer she got was that his mom was a picky eater.
Well today my husband dropped the bombshell on me that his MIL wants to bring her own dinner to eat when she comes over. I asked him why she would need to bring her own food when I will have more than enough here. He just made excuses saying I know how his mother is a “grade A picky eater” and she won’t “like” anything I have prepared. I thought that was ridiculous, I am not making anything unfamiliar to her and there will be plenty to choose from.
OP’s husband thought this was an acceptable compromise but OP finds the entire thing humiliating.
He argued that her bringing her own dinner would be a good compromise and I disagree. It will be hugely obvious that she’s making a comment on my cooking and it would be humiliating to have her there eating something completely different in front of everyone, it’s like she’s trying to make a point of showing that my cooking isn’t good enough for her.
And so OP said she should just stay home. Her husband is mad at her, but OP’s feelings are pretty hurt.
I think she is being incredibly rude and disrespectful of the time, money, and labor I have put into this upcoming meal. I told him if she can’t eat anything here then she is welcome to stay home and eat whatever she wants. My husband is now calling me insensitive and petty. He says I am ruining the holiday. I don’t see it that way. I only want friends and family around who are appreciative and kind – I don’t need the negativity of someone rejecting everything I’ve cooked and insulting my cooking when I’ve worked so hard.
She explains that she has worked really hard and feels that if her MIL won’t participate in the dinner, it’s rude.
This has truly been a labor of love and I took on this responsibility to share that love with my family and friends. AITA for not wanting my MIL to come if she’s going to reject everything I’ve made?
TLDR: My MIL is refusing to eat anything I cook at Thanksgiving and wants to bring her own personal meal, AITA for uninviting her?
She adds some edits to include some more information, including what she’s serving…
EDIT: Because some people are asking, here is what I plan on serving:(First all the traditional thanksgiving foods) roasted turkey, stuffing, classic creamy mashed potatoes, potatoes au gratin, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, roasted carrots, homemade bread rolls with apple butter, roasted squash with goat cheese, honey glazed ham, braised short ribs, spinach, bacon, & feta cheese pies, special lasagna with white sauce, stuffed mushrooms, creamed corn with cheese, and then pecan pie, pumpkin pie, and apple pie for desserts. It’s a lot!
How can there not be one thing she can eat?
So I think this is a super cut and dry case of OP being WAY too sensitive.
Before we get to her update, let’s see how Reddit voted.
One person wrote, “Yes, your MIL is being rude and disrespectful, but uninviting her is not the answer. Here’s what you do: Welcome her and her special meal with open arms. Kill her with kindness. Be sure to point out to the other guests, in a lovey dovey, if perhaps a wee bit patronizing, tone of voice how MIL has special needs and brought her own food and you are SO GLAD she could make it even though eating away from home is so difficult for her. Offer to help her heat up her meal. Tell her it looks absolutely delicious and ask for her recipes and ask her is she could bring one of her wonderful dishes to the next gathering. Meanwhile, you and your other guests can enjoy your fabulous meal and your MIL can listen to all the compliments you get for it. NTA.”
I actually disagree with that: OP would be a jerk to not invite her.
Fortunately, OP saw reason!
UPDATE: Omg there’s a lot of replies, thank you all for weighing in. I’ve been reading all your responses and have been thinking a lot – and as much as it hurts my feelings, I think the kill her with kindness route will be the best thing to do. I am so overwhelmed and exhausted and I just want to have a perfect Thanksgiving for everyone. I will let her know she is welcome and will ignore her and focus on my other guests. I won’t let her ruin my day and will be the bigger person. That’s what family does, as much as I will be irritated on the inside…(who knows maybe she will try something and like it! – but if she doesn’t that’s okay too)
