Kate Hackett
Relationships are endlessly hard. You are constantly asked to compromise and you need to make sure you take your partner’s feelings into account. Especially when we’re discussing old flames.
That’s precisely what u/throwrabdayso encountered when she told a story on Reddit’s AITA sub about her husband’s birthday party. She wound up walking out over an altercation with an old flame; let’s hear it from her.
My husband (30M) and I (27F) have been together for 3 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship has been without any problems until the week before our wedding. My husband was very close friends with a woman (Let’s call her Ava) that he has known since they were sophomores in high school.
OP explains that her husband has known Ava for a very long time; they were friends in high school and Ava was invited to their wedding.
I never had a problem with Ava, I thought it was very obvious that she and my husband are just friends, I mean she had a long-term boyfriend and all. So, I felt no jealousy or anything. I actually got along with Ava pretty well.
OP liked Ava and had no ill will at all… and then her husband told her that Ava tried to convince OP’s guy to leave OP right before the wedding! Yikes.
We all hung out together regularly. But then my husband dropped a bombshell on me the week before we got married. I remember he sat me down and told me that Ava revealed to him that she has feelings for him and tried to convince him to not get married to me. She even broke up with her boyfriend (of 6!! Years) to prove that she was serious about my husband.
My husband and I both agreed to cut her off, we uninvited her to our wedding and neither one of us have been in contact with her since.
OP and her husband removed Ava from both the wedding and their lives. All was well.. until her husband turned 30.
It was my husband’s 30th birthday yesterday, he just wanted to have a dinner with family and friends so that’s what we did. So, we are all in a restaurant eating when all of a sudden Ava walks in. She walks to our table and says she didn’t mean to intrude, that she was just getting dinner by herself and then saw us. She then wishes my husband a happy birthday.
Ava happened to be at the same place for dinner and said happy birthday to OP’s husband. OP figured that was it, but the husband asked Ava to join.
I expect her to leave but then my husband asks if she wants to join us. I look at my husband like what the fuck are you doing. I’m visibly uncomfortable and irritated.
OP, irked, gave Ava her seat and went home.
I stand up and tell Ava that she can have my seat and then I walk out and get an uber home because I want absolutely nothing to do with her.
OP’s husband didn’t like the move and confronted OP when he got home. OP felt she was right to just remove herself and she’s still holding onto this grudge.
When my husband comes home almost two hours later, he immediately starts an argument with me. He tells me I overreacted and acted immaturely. I ask him why did he ask Ava to eat with us because I thought we were on the same page. He replies that was just being nice and he didn’t think it would be a big deal because it’s been a long time since he has seen her so she probably doesn’t have feelings for him anymore. And then he tells me that I ruined his birthday.
I’m still upset about it all. I don’t think I’m the one in the wrong. I mean, this woman literally tried to steal my partner. AITA?
Reddit pointed out that it’s only been five months. Personally, I can’t hold a grudge for five MINUTES, but I get still being upset about it just a few months later.
All that said, would it not be worth it to just say what you need to say? Like, “I don’t appreciate that you tried to get my husband to break up with me and do not want to socialize with you.” Boom. Done. Message clear, message received.
But no, because the world is immature and passive aggressive, we get this move instead.
