Kate Hackett
If we’re all honest, I don’t think many people were actually happy on their wedding days. It’s a day full of stress, inflated importance, and unjustifiable cost. How could you possibly be entirely relaxed and happy that entire day?
u/Fun_Boysenberry_4155 asked the Am I The Asshole if she was a jerk for telling her husband that her wedding day wasn’t exactly the “best day of her life.” I’m already on her side, but let’s take a look at her post.
She loves her husband, she loves the life they have, but she just didn’t love the wedding.
I (30f) have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 4 of them. I love him and I am genuinely happy with our marriage and the life we’ve built together with our children. I was happy the day he proposed. I was happy during our honeymoon. We’ve had our ups and downs ever since, but overall I would say that I was happy. Although, I wasn’t happy during the planning and actual wedding. Why? Because it wasn’t the wedding I wanted.
It seems that the entire thing was planned by a dying grandmother and OP didn’t really have a voice in ANYthing.
A few months into the engagement my husband’s grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and was expected to live long. Our wedding was predicted to be the last big family event that she would ever attend. Of course I felt sad and was more than willing to change the date of the wedding to better suit her needs, but what I was not expecting was that it would become HER wedding and I was to be treated like a figure on a play set. She picked out the venue, the color scheme, the food, music, the flowers, and even my dress.
It got really bad; family called the bride a “bridezilla” for not letting the grandma have her way.
It all started out as subtle suggestions but when I started to try and put my foot down I was called a heartless bridezilla who couldn’t honor a dying woman’s request, and the fact that they were paying very little into the actual wedding would be an AH thing to bring up.
Her then-fiancé even told her that he’d reconsider their engagement if she found the wedding more important than being married. Knowing she wouldn’t win, the bride swallowed her objections.
After a fight my husband was told to reconsider the engagement if I couldn’t do this “one thing” and how a wedding was more important to me than actually becoming a part of the family. Knowing that I’d never win, I sat in my car and cried for an hour mourning the loss of the wedding I wanted and in the end let the In Laws have their way. I didn’t even attend further meetings to discuss the planning and left both the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party early.
Poor OP.
On the actual day I swallowed my disappointment and just went through the motions.
Since her own wedding, she’s enthusiastically participated in and been to other weddings. She took the role very seriously and planned lots of stuff with the brides.
Since then my sister and best friend each had their weddings and I was MOH for both and was excited each time. I took my role very seriously and had a lot of fun. My cousin is getting married and asked me to be her MOH and I jumped at the chance. Recently, I’ve been spending hours on the phone/Zoom putting together a planning binder.
Her husband noticed that enthusiasm and eventually OP cracked, telling him that she hated their wedding. He’s been butthurt since.
My husband took note of my enthusiasm and made a joke about “missing that energy” on our day and brushed it off. After that I cut down my wedding planning in his presence but he wouldn’t let up citing that we don’t keep any wedding photos out, that I got rid of my dress as soon as I could and how I looked so much more happy at someone else’s wedding than our own. He wouldn’t let up and eventually we got into a fight where I finally confessed that while I love him I hated our wedding. My husband is now hurt and giving me the silent treatment. AITA?
She shared a few edits to answer some questions; she sure sounds like a darn fine lady.
Edit: I stepped away for a little bit but I’m already getting so many wonderful comments and messages. Thank you so much for validating my feels. Although there are some things that I wanted to clear up first.
My husband’s grandma died a few months after we came back from the honeymoon and she recounted how our wedding as being one of the happiest moments of her final days so I made the decision to not bring up how much it wasn’t a good day for me, so my husband and I have never really talked about our wedding in this way until now.
While I am into super planner mode for my cousin’s wedding I am strictly adhering to the “Bride and Groom Get Final Say” rule because I don’t want to make others feel how I did. Hence the binder so if they shoot down one suggestion I’ve got three others. Lol.
Reddit agreed with me on this one.
So what do you think? Would you have had the saint’s patience OP had?
