Kate Hackett
Entering a new relationship is kind of a scary thing! And for the first few weeks, you’re hyper-alerted to any red flags there might be from the other person, but what if we also paid attention tot the all-important green ones?
That’s exactly what u/allen-freed asked Reddit for — what are those green flags?
“Those of you Redditors in happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationships, what were the “green flags” you noticed about your partner early on in your relationship with them?” they wrote. And the answers came fast!
1. Blew me away
It was instantly easy to talk to her. I never felt like I had to put on a show for her because she never did with me, and she actively affirmed me in that. She immediately blew every standard I thought was high enough out of the water.
2. My needs
Evaluating my needs, something as simple as offering me some of their water after getting it for themselves.
3. My thoughts
I was able to express my emotions and thoughts to him without his getting angry or judgy. He fearlessly lets me have my feelings without trying to change them, we talk them out and it feels so much better afterwards. I feel like I could tell him absolutely anything, so the trust between us is more solid than I’ve ever had with anyone else.
4. Respect
I hate being tickled, but am very ticklish. She discovered it early in the relationship, and I asked her once to not tickle me. She has never tickled me again in the following 10 years. Just shows respect
5. Family
I have an autistic sister. Shes currently 20 with the mental capacity of a three year old. Not everyone knows how to handle that. Well, 4 years ago when my girlfriend met my family, the two immediately became best friends. My girlfriend has always cared so much for my sister and would even sit with her while i wasnt home so my mom could go hsve a life for herself. To this day, my sister smiles and laughs like a mad man when she see my girlfriend. I dont know how much information she can retain but theyve always loved eachother, and i think my gf has had a huge impact on her life
6. Hears me
She isn’t afraid to have a different opinion than mine, but she always hears me out and she ALWAYS supports me. Every time I phrase something about myself in a negative way, she reframes it for me in a different light and more often than not it pulls me out of a dark mood. In my previous relationship I felt awfully critiqued for just being the person who I was, and that critique would often make me feel guilty for not meeting the standards set for me by my SO. Now that I’ve got a partner who celebrates who I am, I realise all along that I’ve been holding myself back from just doing what makes me happy.
7. Trust
He enabled me to face my fears, not by pushing me but by being the ultimate “safe space” enabling me to take emotional risks and grow mentally. Right from the beginning I could trust him totally.
8. Safety
I’ve (26M) been in abusive relationships before this, and it was not until this partner of mine that I really understood what it was like to be in a completely happy, safe relationship. I knew that I wanted to spend more time with this girl the instant I saw her, and by the time we met a second time, we were already joking about marriage. Soon enough, it wasn’t a joke. We listen to each other and respect each other. If something is getting too much for me, I still have the ability to tell her and for her not to feel bad about it. She goes out of her way to try the games and shows that interest me, even if they’re out of her comfort zone. She actively asks me what I want to do and she’s perfectly happy to do them, simply because they’re with me. More than anything, it’s more that we both have this solid idea in our head that whatever we do, ultimately we want to be with each other. There’s no doubt, or suspicion, or feeling that doom is just around the corner. We want each other, and we’re willing to work for it. And I think this is the first time I haven’t had to settle for someone loving me less than I love them. Because when you love someone, it’s not wrong to want them to reciprocate what you’re doing and feeling.
9. Communicate
Being able to discuss anything, even flaws, without them/me getting mad. Communication is the most important thing in a healthy relationship. (Love is just as important though, I guess)
10. Kindness
My partner never made fun of me or acted condescending when I didn’t know something. They were also humble when it came to gaps in their knowledge too.
11. Unprompted
We’d been dating for about a month, one day out of the blue he turns to me and goes “I could take apart and clean the drain pipes under your sink if you want. I noticed the sink is a bit slow to empty”. Completely unprompted. That’s when I knew he’s a man who wants to build something with me.
12. Calm
I grew up in an angry, volatile home. Anything could make the “adults” snap and go on a rampage. When my then boyfriend, now husband, and I came home to find a major leak in the bedroom ceiling, which had leaked all over the bed and caused significant damage, he just flatly said, “Well, shit.” And called the building manager. No screaming, no throwing things, no blaming anyone, just a calm acceptance and then action to rectify the problem. We’re going on 16 years married and 20 years together.
13. No notes
When the others ladies at my work place were airing their complaints about their spouses, and I couldn’t think of a single thing to contribute to the conversation.
14. Steady
He drove 2 hours on his birthday to pick me up when my mom abandoned me in a parking lot, brought me home, and sat with me while my parents and I tried to talk things over. My stepfather started screaming obscenities at me for no real reason, he helped me pack everything I owned in his truck and I moved in that night. After dating for two months. It’s been two years, and we got married last month
15. No doubts
Before my first marriage, I often thought that maybe I should cancel the wedding… and the marriage didn’t work out. I never had that thought going into my second marriage. Not one, single time. That’s a pretty hardcore green flag, right there. And obviously, potentially a red flag, too, if you’re entertaining a fair amount of doubt prior to a wedding.
16. Responds
It’s the little things, really. Like he will always respond and pay attention to me when I called his name, even if it’s for mundane stuff like me wanting to point out there’s a snail on the pavement.
17. Always good
I have crohn’s and was always kinda shame be with someone even if is Just for a night, when i start dating her i thought i won the lottery, zero fear of what she would think becouse she was always so good to me and supportive, even in the bathroom ahaha best girlfriend ever
18. Laughing
The first time we had sex I got my period and didn’t realize until we were done and I went to the bathroom to pee. It wasn’t a ton of blood but I know it was enough to have gotten on him and the sheet. I walked out of the bathroom and he was standing in the doorway of the room and said something like “is everything okay? Did you get your period or something?” And then we both smiled big and started cracking up and he was totally cool and sweet. The next morning he invited me to go sheet shopping with him because he “needed new ones anyway and wants me to like the ones he picks”.
19. Invite the loners
Before my wife and I were dating, I very quickly noticed that she always invited the loners to join in the conversation. If she noticed someone we knew sitting alone she’d always extended an invitation to join or ask their opinion.
20. Simple
I’d rather spend time with her doing nothing than doing something with anyone else.
