I love this one so much — even if you’re currently in therapy, there are so many wonderful lessons to steal from this list.
Therapy can be a wonderful tool to help us understand ourselves and the people around us and having insight via multiple sources can be really key. Redditor u/RIPMexicanTraoreasked “What is the best thing you have heard/learned from therapy?” and we rounded up the best answers.
1. Let downs
When you place unexpressed expectations on someone, YOU are the one setting yourself up to be let down.
2. It takes effort
With respect to breaking a habit, or overcoming addiction: it takes serious effort to stray from your path, once it is established. Taking a new path means hacking through thick jungle again, but this time it requires even more effort because you know you could just follow the old, established path.
3. No one sees this
No one sees the version of you that you see of yourself.
4. Stay alive
The brain isn’t designed to keep us happy. It’s designed to keep us alive.
5. High functioning
The fact that you are high functioning doesn’t mean that your illness is easier for you to deal with, it means it’s easier for others to deal with.
6. Everyone is selfish
People aren’t nearly as concerned about everything I’m doing as I think they are. They’re busy enough being self conscious about their own behaviors.
7. Control
Sometimes, when we procrastinate, it’s because we need to feel control, even when the only thing we can control is choosing not to do something – even when it contributes to making our situation worse. Took me years to come to terms with that one.
8. Familiar
We seek what is familiar to us, even if it’s really unhealthy. There is a comfort in familiarity because it’s what we know / learned how to deal with.
9. React
That you can’t control how people act towards you, but you can control how you react to them. It’s something I use with my 9 and 6 year old to help them and it’s so effective.
10. Forgive
That I needed to forgive myself for past childhood trauma.
11. People’s actions
People’s actions towards you are a reflection of themselves, not you.
12. Be kind
When I start the negative self talk, I was told to pretend I am talking to my wonderful and sweet 5yo little boy. I could never say the shit I say to myself to my son. The therapist told me to envision someone telling my boy what I say to myself and how would I react. It was eye opening as to how we are our own worst boogeyman.
13. Be nicer
I was feeling a lot of pressure and guilt from my mom because she wanted me to do something for her that I really didn’t want to do. One of my therapists (who heard a lot about my relationship with my mom) made a simple statement that really helped: “If your mom wants you to do things for her, maybe she should be nicer to you.” It sounds so obvious, but because of mom’s continuously using guilt to raise me and my siblings to feel shame, I had a hard time saying no. This little idea really turned things around for me, not just between me and my mom, but also for other people in my life who like to treat me badly and keep expecting me to come back for more.
14. When we know
We do what we know, and when we know better we do better.
15. Family
Friends will come and go. Family, in different ways, can and will do the same.
16. Don’t overthink
”Neither the past, present or future can be changed through my overthinking.”
17. Everyone’s screwed up
That we’re all fucked up in some way, and it’s not worth beating yourself up thinking you’re some kind of monster. Acceptance of this was huge to me.
18. Internal monologue
Your internal monologue isn’t always reliable, especially when you are anxious or depressed.
19. Walk
Sometimes the healthiest thing is to walk away
20. I vs You
When explaining your feelings to someone instead of saying YOU did this, this, and this and it’s all your fault. Instead, you opt for I, I don’t like when you said _ because it made me feel like .