Kate Hackett
Imagine you’re going about your day, walking your puppy, enjoying the sunshine. And up walks an older man (think 60s) with a puppy of his own. You chat. And then he throws THIS ONE at you:
“Imagine getting a puppy at our age!”
And then you crawl into your own skin and die because you are not at all in your 60s. Even vaguely.
u/IrohsFavoriteTea recently asked for “the worst insult you’ve suffered from someone who didn’t even mean it as an insult?” and the fine folks of Reddit delivered.
1. Senior discount
I started getting asked if I qualified for a senior discount in my 40s…
2. The worst burn
A very nice Vietnamese immigrant lady, Gwen, started working at my job. We were friendly with each other in passing, but rarely talked.
One day, my wife came in with our new baby and stopped to visit. We chatted for a few minutes, I kissed her and the baby on the cheek, and they left.
Gwen walked up with a big smile and said, in a very thick accent, “Your sister and her baby are soooo beautiful!”
I thanked her and told her that, actually, that was my wife and my baby. She was shocked.
“Noooo! That baby and that woman are soooo beautiful! How could that be your wife and your baby?”
I just shrugged and chuckled and assured her that they were, in fact, my family.
“Oh my God! You so lucky! How can man that looks like you have such a beautiful wife and baby!”
She wasn’t trying to be a dick. But, holy shit, that was one hell of a scorching burn. Haha.
3. Geez, dad.
When I was a teen, my dad told me he heard of an athlete who wrote a book about how he used to be bullied when he was young, how he was the school’s loser and had no friends… “Exactly like you”, my dad added.
4. WTF dude
My best friend told me that I am only funny when I’m drunk. I was a recovering alcoholic and man did that hurt.
5. Oh, Miss H
One time after a girl dumped me in high school, one of my close teacher “friends” said; “You’re the kind of guy a girl wants to meet in her 30s, not now when they want to be crazy.” Thanks Miss H, I’ll never forget that one.
6. Kids
Kids are the best for this. “Daddy, why don’t you use your weights any more? Is it because you got fat?”
7. Babysitting
There was a little girl I used to babysit, but I got a new job and couldn’t anymore. I visited her family about a year after and she says to me “you got BIGGER!”
8. Thank you, Hailey
“You look like you own ferrets” I don’t even know what that means but it was 4 years ago Hailey and I still remember
9. Cult leader
Had a guy tell me I looked like a cult leader, which I didn’t really take kindly. He also did not respond well when I told him he looked like a cult follower.
10. Crushing
A good friend’s girlfriend told me, “I love how not girly you are and how you don’t care about how you look!”
11. I mean….
When i proposed to my wife she said “I guess I can’t say no”
But she meant to say “how can I say no”
She also had a panic attack the first time we kissed…
12. Remember, Dad!
I recently got a very bright, very obnoxious Pac-Man hoodie, it is without a doubt the loudest thing I own. As I was heading out the door for work, my 3 year old told me “remember dad, if people laugh at you, you can always take your sweatshirt off!”
13. Die young
My dad was a smoker most of his life. When I was around 4, I didn’t want to imagine my Dad as an old man, so I told him “keep smoking so you can die young.”
14. A falcon
In middle school the girl I had a crush on said I looked like a falcon. Never quite figured out how to take that one
15. Ouch
Childhood friend from school turned coworker.
“Yeah you used to be really smart!”
I had dropped out of college and we were working as bartenders at a restaurant, were taking about plans for the coming year or two and I had mentioned trying to get a new job/go back to school.
I died a little/a lot. They were trying to be supportive, and were immediately horrified and apologized but yeah.
16. WOMP WOMP
“Come work for me, son. I’ll pay you more than you’re worth!”
Proceeds to pay $36k per year
17. WHYYYY
Working at a new job
“How old are you?”
“How old do I look?”
“I don’t know, 45?”
I was 27 at the time….
18. Unremarkable … thanks
I did nude figure modeling for painting classes for extra cash in college about 15 years ago – one of the students was having trouble capturing my likeness and called the teacher over for help. The teacher: “well – she has an unremarkable, normal face with no strong features, which is much more difficult to paint…”
19. LADY
I went to High School in the 90s with a girl who went on to become Miss USA. We were friends, there was no romance.
25 years later her mother comes to my office (she didn’t know I own the company) to drop off something we’d ordered. I was pleasantly surprised to see her and we spent a few minutes catching up.
Keep in my mind, my entire staff is watching the conversation between me and this girls’ mother.
Finally she says “My daughter thought the world of you, why didn’t you two ever date?”
I decided to try a little false modesty and responded “I wanted to date her, but she always liked handsome guys.”
Without batting an eye, she responded “Oh Yeah, that’s right.”
Total devestation.
I don’t think she even realized what she’d said. My staff did however and they had the most fun with it the rest of the day Still comes up occasionally.
20. Not pregnant
Getting on an adult ride at the fair, Operator says to me, “Ma’am, you can’t ride this if you are pregnant.” I was not pregnant.
