Kate Hackett
Not having kids is probably one of the most difficult realizations and decisions a lot of women are ever going to make. Society expects us to want and have children — hell, sometimes we expect us to have kids and it just never happens.
It’s f–king hard, y’all.
Redditor u/winter-thv recently asked the women of Reddit, “Childfree women of Reddit, what has been the toughest and best part about you choosing to be childfree?” and we found the best replies for you.
1. Freedom
the best part is total freedom – the hardest part? i dont know. its not hard to not have something you dont want.
2. Uncertainty
As a woman who still has doubts about being childfree, the toughest part is wondering if I’ll regret my decision. The best part, is the freedom of conscience, knowing that I’m not bringing a child into the world without knowing if I really want to.
3. No regrets
Best part? Today, I’m 36. My boyfriend surprised me with a trip about 6 hrs away. Complete with hot springs, couples massage, and a nice French restaurant. He’s currently making French press coffee, bacon, and pancakes. Later we’ll go to the zoo for dinner and holiday decor. Far too many people told me I’d regret not having kids by now. But here I am. No ragrets.
4. Struggles
I haven‘t faced any negative parts except people‘s assumptions I‘d still “change my mind” or misogynistic remarks because I‘m so young. The best part is simply not having to take care of a child, struggle with the child‘s father and go through pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum etc.
5. Minds don’t change
Toughest: Finding out my partner of over 15+ years actually DID want kids the whole time and just assumed I would change my mind eventually. Also, learning they actually never wanted to get married without kids in the equation, because “what’s the point?”. We built an entire CF life together, and now I’m working on my exit because there’s no other way this can go. Best: Having the ability to devote my time and efforts into things that make me happy for myself, and having full control over how I choose to spend my life.
6. Mom
The hardest part is that my mom is great, and she truly deserves the joy of being a grandmother. But I can’t make that choice for her. If I could make her a grandma without becoming a mother, I would. I’m lucky, she’s nice about it, not one to always drop passive aggressive comments, but I know she feels the void.
The best part is not having that same, deep worry for the future. I still want the best for society and our planet, I want my goddaughters and the children of those I love to inherit a functional world — but, it’s not the same I don’t think. I’ve formed a detachment to the future that I didn’t have when I was younger snd don’t think I could have if I had children of my own
Oh, and money. Being a DINK is nice
7. Best life
Worst part is feeling excluded and cast aside by mom-friends once they become moms. Best part is living my best life.
8. Bad mothers
Toughest part: Being looked at as less of a woman, as less of a person, because I don’t have children. I don’t think it’s fair. Best part: There’s one less person that I’m at risk of disappointing. I always told myself (when I was younger) that if I had a kid, I’d have to be the best mom on the planet and with my current state of mind, I know that wouldn’t be the case. I’m at peace knowing I’m not ruining another person’s life or giving them less than they deserve. There are enough “bad mothers” in the world, I won’t be one of them.
9. Like minded friends
Toughest is finding like minded people who don’t make children the centre of the universe. The best part is everything fucking else. My life is a stress free, flexible, travel filled, well financed, well rested and greatly enjoyed breeze. I love it.
10. Let go
Hardest part? I had to let go of a guy I was seeing because he wanted a child. We knew each other for many years and we decided to have a good time for a few months. Then he told me he wanted to start a family in the next 2 years and I said not with me. We are still friends but he just moved a woman and her child in with him and he’s hoping by next year she will be pregnant. I’m happy for them, but still single.
Best part? This year I went to 3 festivals and for xmas I just bought myself a designer watch, a kayak, a German beer wench outfit. Also, when pokemon came out I was able to play nonstop for 3 days. I’ve never known such peace and happiness.
11. There is no worst part
Best part: Freedom, peace and quiet, silence, no responsibilities over anyone but myself, spending my money and time on things that actually brings me joy and happiness.
12. Naps!
Best part? Naps. Hands down. Anytime I want. Sleeping in is pretty great too. The extra income is damn nice, as well. When my friends talk about daycare cost or just the unexpected expenses here and there, I want to vomit. And I like my friends kids. They can come hang out with me whenever. We’ll get dirty and blow things up outside, make noise and blanket forts inside, and take a pedicab to go grab some cake in the afternoon. Then they go home in their mud smeared chocolate covered clothes. I like that.
Hardest part: trying to convince people that yes, my life still has value. Yes, I still find shit meaningful. Ya know, even though I don’t have a legacy. Or something like that. ETA: and no, I’m not worried about who’s going to take care of me when I’m old. That’s a garbage reason to have children imo
13. Dating
As a single woman in her 30s, finding men to date who are also childfree.
14. They all have them
I love the freedom I have, my money is entirely my own, I can be selfish with it and I don’t need to worry about ensuring a small person is fed and warm. For me the toughest part is that all my friends have kids, I’m single and so I have no one to do spontaneous things with because my friends all have to consider childcare etc but I’m happy doing things alone so that’s not the worst I guess. Also one of my friends became a mum and that became her whole personality, to the point that she stopped bothering to talk to me because I couldn’t possibly relate, she was my closest friend, that sucked.
15. Freedom
No tough part really? I mean it’s been super easy for me to just not have children? Best part is I still have my freedom and I don’t need to worry about raising and loving a small human that’s entirely my responsibility. Also I can do whatever I want in my own home.
16. Other people
Best part: I don’t have a child. Which means I have energy, sleep, money, freedom, don’t have to worry about the world we’re leaving them, etc Worst: people. Mom had some difficulty accepting it when I told her, which was annoying. I haven’t even bothered telling dad as he probably won’t care that much either way but also won’t care to respect my feelings or choices. Its also annoying when my coworkers go “when you have children…” bla-bla as if it’s a certainty. I get that it’s a way people can tell others their experiences that ithrs aren’t really interested in pretending it’s advice they can find pretend will be helpful and not really about me, but still
17. Mistake?
Worst part – wondering if you’ve made a terrible mistake about not having kids. Best part – not having made a terrible mistake and had kids
18. Not typical
I know it’s not typical but I honestly haven’t met with anyone reacting negatively with my decision yet. Everyone has been either supportive or neutral at worst. So I can’t say if there’s any “tough” part. I live in a very HCL area and having the flexibility of living somewhere without thinking about school districts or child friendliness is a huge relief financially.
19. Damn doctors
Toughest was being taken seriously by medical professionals to get a surgery. Best? I have all the money and time in the world and zero extra responsibility.
20. Again for the back: FREEDOM
Toughest: annoying people who think that’s there’s no way a woman would ever choose to be child-free, I “just haven’t met the right man yet” or “it’ll happen” or “I used to think that way too, until I had kids of my own.” Ok, that’s great, please leave me alone, because I don’t have the energy to justify my VERY valid reasons for foregoing kids, the most prominent being I have absolutely zerourge or desire to procreate. I am completely lacking the “biological clock.”
Also, when I tried internet dating, it was pretty damn tough trying to find a dude who didn’t want or already have kids.
Best: FUCKING FREEDOM. Everything that comes with NOT having my life revolve around spawn. Do I want to change jobs? Travel? Get another tarantula? Move? Have disposable income? Sleep in and then waste the day playing video games? Not have my things covered in boogers, feces, or whatever else kids get into? Use the restroom in peace? I can do it! And there are no regrets or questioning, just a quiet validation.
Oddly enough, I like working with kids and am getting my MA to be a therapist (I want to help kids/adolescents with trauma). I also love being able to send them back home, lol.
