Women have had kind of the short end of the stick in a lot of ways throughout history. They face discrimination at work, unrealistic obstacles in relationships, and it’s not terribly uncommon for society to expect women to just …settle for less. Less self-worth, less in a partner, less in a career. But. Don’t we all deserve more?
u/Lovablemarvel recently asked the women of Reddit, “When was the moment your realised you deserved better?” — let’s check out their replies.
When I was 5 months pregnant carrying all of the groceries up the 4 flights of stairs to our apartment, and I opened the door to him on the couch in his underwear playing videogames.
2. After sex
My ex bf broke up with me right after sex, like honestly i wasnt even dressed yet, and told me its because he wants to date another girl and see if they would work out. I cried non stop and then he had the audacity to call me while they were having sex and so i blocked him. I saw him after a few years and he tried to get back with me and so i laughed at his face
3. The scholarship
When I got a scholarship for graduate school that required me to go to an award banquet and it conflicted with a football game he wanted to watch so he never congratulated me and complained the entire time we were at the event. We left early too.
I cooked, cleaned, worked a full-time job and attended school three times a week and never had any support and only attitude from him when I wasn’t home early enough.
4. Don’t have to be comfortable
Dating my ex boyfriend, during our 1yr anniversary dinner, I realized that I didn’t have to be just “fine” or “comfortable” in my relationship, that I deserved love and partnership and passion. And that he wasn’t any of those things. I deserved better then “a good man” I deserved “a good man for me.” So I ended things with my ex that night and 9mo later I met my fiancé.
When our daughter was born and the environment was unsafe for her. I could handle myself but now I had someone else I had to look out for.
When he said “you deserve better.”
And I said “you’re right.”
So I walked away.
When I found out my male counterpart was making $15k more than I was, despite me being in the industry and in management twice as long as him.
8. What is wrong with him?
It was March, 8th. In my country they usually congratulate women on this day, bring them flowers, have romantic dinners together etc.
My long-term ex called me in the morning and even without telling “Hi” asked quite angrily “So, I have to congratulate you now?”
In the evening we had a gathering in my student organisation. Our boys were singing and raising glasses to us, and I couldn’t help thinking “What is wrong with my bf?”
9. Holy WHAT
When I found out my recent ex took my elderly dog to the vet behind my back, claimed it had been ‘abandonded’ and told them to put him down. Found out 12 years too late what a piece of garbage he is.
When my therapist pointed out I was carrying heavy majority of the emotional baggage of the family and forget getting support, I wasn’t even getting any credit for it. Weird how sometimes we miss some problems in our own lives that other people can see so clearly.
11. I fell for someone else
It took something I’m not really proud of, which is that I fell in love (or in infatuation, anyway) with someone else. Nothing happened between me and the new person, but when there was someone I enjoyed speaking to and was always glad to see, when I felt appreciated and valued by them and realized that was a new feeling, I realized that there really wasn’t anything left for me in my current relationship.
I’d highly recommend realizing all of that without needing a third person to enter the picture at all, if you can. I could have saved myself at least a year.
12. It got better
When my husband finally got his mental health under control, and he started treating me much better. He was never abusive, but just sorta checked out and seemingly uninterested in me— I felt unloved. Looking back, I realize that I deserved better at the time, but I’m very happy with where we are now.
13. Loser BF
I was 20, putting up with a loser boyfriend who never bothered to try to find a job while I supported him. It was a shitty relationship. I was talking to my mom about it, and how I was pretty sure I was going to marry the guy and things would just work out. My mom tells me, “honey, you’re far too young to settle for this.” And it just clicked, she was so right. I broke up with him the next week. Years later, he has actually had jobs, got married (…twice), and has two kids. Dumping him was the best thing I ever did, probably for both of us.
When I realized I was begging him to ask me about my day or show an interest in my life.. so embarrassing
One of my close friends at the time pulled me aside crying that she was scared she was going to find me dead one day. Had the same conversation a week later with my ex’s step parent. I couldn’t see it then but all the warning signs were there.
“i won’t tell you my birthday, because then you will expect me to remember yours”
17. He never saw me as beautiful and smart
There was a popular song in my country called ‘Beauty and a brain’. It was an ode to the singer’s girlfriend, saying how lucky he was to have her. I was with my partner for 7 years at the time and realized never thought about me that way.
When he came home after a football game and slammed a frozen pizza down on the table and demanded I make him dinner. I realised that if I let it slide that would be my life and I was done being quiet.
Then it got creepy (came into my house while I was sleeping creepy) amd and while ordeal left me broken. But I had my best friend for support, and as an occasional body guard. He helped me see what I deserved and what I wanted, what I was worth.
Now my best friend is my husband and we’ve been happily married 5 years this June and he still shows me how much I’m worth every day.
19. This tracks
When it brought more pain than joy
20. Naw, girl
after i was told he couldn’t “wait around for me to lose 80 lbs.” something clicked in my head, and i was like “yeah i deserve better.”