Kate Hackett
It’s summer, well, almost, so it’s time for Reddit’s AITA sub to be swamped by questions about barbecue and outdoor cookout etiquette — is meat required, should we always serve alcohol, etc. etc. etc.
u/Ashamed_Treacle_6798 hits us with our first of the year, wondering of they’re in the wrong “for not making my brothers BBQ non-alcoholic to accommodate his girlfriend”. Let’s check it out.
OP is throwing his brother a party to celebrate his brother graduating college.
Hi y’all. For context, I am throwing my brother a graduation BBQ at the house we rent together. He worked hard to earn his undergraduate degree and I want to celebrate him.
The party is being hosted at OP’s house that he shares with his brother, the one he’s celebrating, and the brother was told to invite whoever he wants.
I told him to invite any of his friends and girlfriend and am planning to invite family and a few of our mutual friends. Today, he told me that his gf requests we make the BBQ a non-alcoholic event, as his gf is uncomfortable around alcohol (she’s never drank before due to anxiety issues).
The brother’s girlfriend asked for the party to be non-alcoholic, which the brother passed on. OP said… no. It’s “my house” and OP wouldn’t be accommodating.
I responded that there will be non-alcoholic and alcoholic options for anyone’s preferences. I firmly believe that if an event I’m planning is at my house, I shouldn’t have to tell a group of people not to do something in order to make one person happy. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences and life style choices. What do you guys think?
This was ridiculous. OP is hosting a party IN HONOR of his brother and his brother made this request. WTF are you thinking, OP?
Reddit agreed. One user wrote, “While I personally think the girlfriend is being overly fragile, it IS a party FOR YOUR BROTHER. In any other situation, you would not be the AH, and the girlfriend is going to have a rough time in life if she can’t be around anyone drinking, ever. But since it’s a party in your brother’s honor, you ought to honor his request. And tell him next time there will be alcohol whether she’s there or not. YTA (slightly).”
Another said, “YTA because you described this as a party for him and it clearly isn’t – if the party is ostensibly for him, shouldn’t his preference matter? Based on your description I’m guessing you’re still going to have it if he doesn’t come, so hopefully he’ll skip it and celebrate elsewhere and everyone wins.”
OP then added some answers to a few common questions, none of which really alleviate the major problem people had with OP’s resistance to his brother’s request.
EDIT to add: Thank y’all for the responses! Really enjoying reading all of your perspectives.
To answer some of your questions: (1) she doesn’t live at our house (2) my brother passed along the request, he doesn’t have a preference for whether alcohol is there or not (3) the bbq is for him and to celebrate his big achievement. I am having a separate birthday bbq with my friends at our house for my own birthday a few weeks later. Not making the day anything about my preferences, just trying to make sure all who attend are happy and able to do what they enjoy (drink or not drink). My families enjoys doing BBQs to just relax and play games/ sports outside. (4) Drinking is not the priority for the event, spending quality time together is. We are all in our mid/late 20s and 30s and are not huge party people, some people choose not to drink, some people choose to enjoy beverages with their meals. There’s no pressure to partake or not partake in either option. This would not be a rowdy or rage event.
