There’s nothing worse than your first day at a brand new job.
You don’t know anyone’s name, you don’t know when to take lunch, and you might even have to ask a stranger where the bathroom is. Being the ‘new guy’ at work is a struggle that everyone’s got to go through at some point, but it’s even worse when you’ve got a touch of impostor syndrome.
When you’re feeling insecure about being qualified for your new job, it’s best to spend your time at work learning what you can while trying to make yourself seem competent, right?
Well, it turns out more people than you’d think are just wired different…like, real different. There are some blissfully ignorant, wildly incompetent, strangely confident idiots out there who approach a new job with the opposite philosophy. Generally, these people get fired real fast.
Redditor u/bartertownbeer asked the people of Reddit: “What is the fastest you’ve ever seen a new co-worker get fired?”
If you need a little confidence boost, look no further than these 25 stories about the fastest people have seen a “new guy” get canned at their jobs.
1.
“Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank. The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank.” –professorglock
2.
“A week. I worked in a bar and a new girl had just started.
At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine. One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane). Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out.” –lejolipamplemousse
3.
“There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him.
A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP with his friends and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot.” –ArtPerfect7076
4.
“First day of work, he walks in, says “what the fuck is up dumbass” to the guy that parked next to (didn’t touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired. The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch. Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers.” –NinthReever
5.
“New guy started on Monday and was gone by Friday. The guy hit some racking in the warehouse with the forklift, boss saw him do it, and the guy decided to lie about it when asked if he knew what happened.” –KnightofShaftsbury
6.
“I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day. Boss told one take a coffee order and come back. Took everyone’s money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order. They never came back.” –Dendad1218
7.
“New guy gets hired as a bus boy. He was super annoying and tried to insert himself into everyone’s conversation whether they wanted him there or not. It only took a couple of hours for the whole restaurant to hate him. I was working the bar and he kept eating the bar fruit. I personally didn’t care but the manager did.
Manager comes over and tells him to stop eating the fruit. He looks the manager in the eye and eats another piece of fruit. Manager says “Really?” followed by “Come with me to the office”. New guy promptly replies with “Alright man, calm down. I can tell you got that big dick energy for a good reason” followed with cliche wink and nudge from his elbow. In front of me and like 4 other employees. I wanted to slam my face into the ice bin, it was so cringey to witness. He promptly walked out the front door 10 minutes later without his uniform on anymore.” –Slim_Thicc_Jesus
8.
“You don’t tell me what to do, you’re a woman.” To his trainer. Lasted until management came in that morning and heard about it.” –VerbableNouns
9.
“Guy got hired, while going through orientation realized that his ex gf worked there too, turned around and walked right out the front door.” –Insectshelf3
10.
“A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened. He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he’d stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager.” –wanderin_fool