Kate Hackett
Sometimes questions can really pack a gut-punch, can’t they? The most innocent inquiries in the world can really dig under your skin and land a good knife into your heart. Which was exactly what u/sneha_magic wanted to know when they asked over on AskReddit:
“What innocent question that someone asked you, crushed you a little?”
Here are some of the best, most cutting replies.
1. Kids have a superpower with this.
A few years ago I had a pretty awesome life, I was married. My husband and I were trying to have kids and when I needed a car we just got me an suv in anticipation for needing it for kids (he had two and we planned to have 2-3)
Well things didn’t work out and he ended up dying from drinking himself to death in January and between that and 2 miscarriages, an ectopic and an IVF cycle that failed I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’ll never be a mother. It’s painful to say the least.
The kid I nanny for was sitting in my car and we were discussing his day when he says “nanny why do you have such a big car when it’s only you?” I wanted to cry right there on the spot, it just really stung. But instead I told him it was because I knew I would be watching him and I needed a car big enough for him which seemed to placate him and he then started discussing Batman with me.
2. Restaurant seating
“Table for how many?” the first time we went out for dinner after my Dad completed suicide. That one hit like a truck.
3. Same three shirts
I grew up lower middle class and my parents had been severely injured by a drunk driver at the end of my 8th grade year and were disabled and no longer able to work. We basically had no money for school clothes but my mother tried to get me a few cool shirts.
I wasn’t a popular kid and most people didn’t really know much about me. In my freshman year of high school, one of the popular girls in my class asked, “don’t you have more than 3 shirts? I only ever see you in the same 3 shirts.”
High school in the 80’s in the United States sucked.
4. Mom didn’t know her
My mom accidentally called me after about 10 years of not talking. I answered all ready for a serious conversation. When I answered, she was like ” wait who’s this?” I say ” hey mom its fragglerawks.” Her reply is what hurt.
” Fragglerawks who? Why are you calling me mom?”
She was so drunk/high she didnt recognize her own daughter’s name. F–k’aye.
5. Cats, man.
“Mrrroww?” — a neighborhood cat after my cat died
6. Hair cut
I went to get a haircut for my fiance’s funeral. It was Friday. He had died on Tueday. My stylist, all bubbly, said, “It’s been awhile!! The last time I saw you, you were just about to move in with your boyfriend! How’s it going?” The words stuck and I kind of rasped it out. Honestly though, her reaction was so wonderful. She was behind me, and just put her hands firmly on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes in the mirror. No shock, no stupid platitudes, just silent, genuine empathy. The rest of the haircut was pretty quiet, but she did everything so… like, lovingly, and didn’t make a big deal out of it when I cried a little.
7. Kids again!
I teach 1st grade and was talking about how I’ve been married for 5 years. One student asked, “How could you not have a baby by now?”
Not wanting to explain multiple miscarriages and IVF to a classroom of 6 year olds I said, “Being around all of you makes my heart so full that I don’t think I have room in my heart for a baby!!” They all smiled. I smiled too. I’ve learned from my experience to never ask couples when/if they want to have a family. Fucking hurts.
8. Sick son
My son undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for a bone marrow transplant. People, meaning well of course, would always ask “how’s your son doing?” I’d always have to fake a smile and give some shallow hopeful answer “he’s fine. He’s a fighter” but deep inside the question crushed me every time. No, he was suffering. Teetered on the brink of Life and death. He was not “fine” and Everytime I heard that question I was reminded of it and had to swallow the pain.
My son has since recovered, but it was a very tough time.
9. Yowch!
A friend looked at me and said “I know we’ve talked about it before, but how did you break your nose?”
I’ve never broken my nose this is just how it looks.
10. Play time
“When will you get better so you can play with us?” My niece who was too young to understand what disabled meant. She’s older now and understands I will never get better. And we have adapted play time to do things i can handle as well. But that broke my heart.
11. Young couple not having kids
A waiter asked me if my wife was pregnant once. She was just bloated from chemo side effects. Crushed me, so glad she didn’t hear. She couldn’t have had kids and she passed 2 years back.
12. Acne
What’s on her face, mom? -little girl
I used to be a cashier and had terrible acne at the time.
13. Medical issue
“Rough night last night?” Usually asked with a big smile.
I was asked that all the time when I was younger because I had a really obvious tremor. Thing is, I did not drink or do drugs at all and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was eventually diagnosed with Graves’ Disease and treated for it, but I still have a bit of a tremor.
14. Cancer
“I could never imagine getting cancer at such a young age. How are you this strong/brave/do you stay so positive?” – I’ve stopped counting the amount of people (especially working at the hospital, I’d expect a bit more sensitivity from them) that have asked me that. Yes I’m mid 20’s, but it’s not a choice that I’m “staying strong”, it’s fucking survival. Every time someone asks me that, it feels like getting punched.
15. Another medical issue
I got asked why I wouldnt stand up straight for a photo. I have kyphosis and am standing up as straight as I can.
16. Goddamn! That’s so crappy
Nonverbal, but the nurse at the flu shot station seemed unsure whether to give me the under-65 or over-65 consent form. If I’m going to be mistaken for being that much older than my actual age, at least it should be in the context of me getting a senior discount.
17. Going out
“Why don’t you ever go out?” Well, because I don’t have anyone to go out with. Damn
18. Innocuous appointment question
Specialist appointment and they did the normal thing of checking contact details. They asked if the contact number and details for my wife were still correct. I started crying – my wife passed away this time 12 months ago. Surprising how much one simple question asked in total innocence can bring you to your knees
19. No friends
I had no friends in summer school and a girl asked me if I had any friends. Like straight up, “Do you have any friends?” Then became friends with me but still.
20. Father’s Day
I worked in retail when I was younger and people would always be like “oh, do you have any ideas for Father’s day?” “What’d you get your dad?”. My dad committed suicide when I was 16. They had no way of knowing that but damn if it didn’t hurt.
