Kate Hackett
Starting a new relationship means being on the lookout, to some degree, for “red flags”. Sometimes those flags are pretty obvious: excessive drug use might be one, having kids, pets, that kind of thing. They’re big and they’re clear.
But what about some of the less overt red flags? The things you know you should watch out for, but maybe they skate under your radar.
Redditor u/four-seasonss asked, “Men of Reddit, what are some less obvious red flags about men you would want to caution women against?” and we rounded up some of the best answers.
1. Fighting
A friend of mine dated a guy who apparently everyone wanted to fight. At the gym. “This guy over here want to throw down.” At a mall. “Those guys look like they want to get hit.” At the grocery store. “This dude is looking at me like he wants to go outside.” No Steve. No one feels like fighting you. You are just on steroids.
2. Jokes
Don’t trust a man who can joke about others but can’t take it.
3. Own it!
Any aversion to taking responsibility. The older I get the more I find that the men I respect most aren’t the ones with great achievements to theirs names, but rather the ones who aren’t afraid to own their shit.
4. No empathy
Also, if their story, complaint, rant, or explanation sounds too one sided, (again unable to take blame themselves) they are lacking empathy… red flag.
5. Behavior
You’ll be able to tell if a guy is nice by how he behaves. If a guy tells you he’s nice, ignore that. That’s meaningless.
6. No compromise
When you have to cater to his needs/wants over your own with no compromise. It can be something as only watching shows that he wants or doing things only he wants to do or ordering takeout that only he likes.
7. Dumb
If he’s dumb, but thinks he’s smart
8. Attack
If they verbally attack you in an argument rather than discuss the issue.
9. Changing
This goes for both genders, but don’t date someone under the assumption that they’ll change something fundamental about themselves. Not fair to either of you.
10. What’s he doing?
If a guy is doing the minimum of what you want in a long term relationship at the beginning, it’s going to be well below your standards after a few years.
11. Tantrums
If he starts throwing tantrums over petty things, there is worse on the horizon. He’s not passionate, he’s unstable.
12. No
When they don’t respect the word no, even in the most benign of circumstances.
13. Awkward stuff
If he doesn’t want to talk about awkward stuff while you are dating, then he might not want to talk about awkward problems in the relationship.
14. Oof, this sounds awful
Many many men only know how to “relationship flirt”. They will say things like “I’m looking for something long term” when really they just want to hook up.
15. Declarations
When someone is declaring multiple times they are not a certain way without prompt, they are actually that way.
16. Actions
I’m coming in late but this is something I’ve tried to teach all my daughters. Men will show you how they feel with their actions. If they say they care, but don’t put in the effort, listen to the actions. Not the words. Good advice for dating but also good advice for life really
17. Blame
Blaming their childhood on treating you and others like rubbish.
18. He won’t change
If he’s rude, selfish and possessive before you’re dating, he will NOT change once you start dating.
19. Changing
My mom taught us “don’t worry if a guy dresses like a dork, that is one thing you can change, but make sure he’s good on the inside, you can’t change that”.
