Typically, it is not OK to ask members of the LGBTQ+ community questions about their personal lives. We say “typically,” because this recent Reddit thread gave straight Redditors an opportunity to ask the LGBTQ+ community their burning questions. Respectfully, of course.
Below are some of the thread’s top questions, with some responses we’ve cherry picked for our readers.
Maybe the answer to your years-long burning question is uncovered below.
Lesbians: do you also find dating women hard? I know my gay buddies always complain that it’s hard to find a solid relationship. So, I’m just wondering what your dating gripes are? -thatnomadsucks
Yes absolutely. Dating pool is very small, you can’t approach strangers because they could be straight and no one knows who should make the first move.
Yep that’s why we end up dating someone not in our direct area. Small dating pools suckkkk.
Omg yes this. I just found out this girl I had a fling with and then stayed as friends is now dating my current girlfriend’s ex (the ex who I also got match on tinder with and followed on insta way before). Also one of my exes dated this girl I knew and followed each other on instagram, a month after she broke up with me. It was really depressing and as you described perfectly, claustrophobic. I realized it’s kind of inevitable since the pool is so small, so I’m trying hard to just not care about any of it lol
And then among all that, you have straight couples trying to find a third for a threesome cluttering up the dating apps. It’s exhausting lol
Do you ever feel nervous when you compliment a guys looks or flirt with them because you think they might be straight and get super angry at you? -Waylif3sshouldB
I used to be… I still don’t flirt unless I KNOW they’re not straight, but if a guy has a nice haircut, or a cool shirt or hat or mask or whatever, I’ll say something. Brightens their day. I love when people compliment my wardrobe, after all.
I’m 100% “passing” as straight so I’ve never really second guessed it, but I give other dudes compliments all the time. The other day I was in an elevator with a (straight) couple and the guy just looked really put together so I told him that I loved his fashion sense and he looks awesome. What kind of asshole would take offense at that?
Since a lot of people question their heterosexuality, do you also sometimes question your homosexuality? -Davids402
Yes, a lot of people aren’t 100% sure of their orientation.
not necessarily homosexual, but in the bisexual community there’s a term called ‘the bi-cycle’ which basically means the usual doubt and questioning cycle, because due to various reasons, most bisexuals question their bisexuality a lot and commonly.
Being straight on most days I just go with heteroflexual and be done with it.
There’s gotta be Gay dudes just not into anal right? Like, “liking anal is to be exspected [sic]” seems like an unfair standard. Is there a stigma around it? Are Gay men that aren’t into anal seen as prudes or “boring”? -Ood_G
Yes, a lot of gay men prefer things like oral, handjobs, humping, etc
Surprised I haven’t seen this mentioned but the term “Side” is used a lot (in relation to calling someone a “top” or a “bottom”)
Just means you aren’t really into giving or receiving anal
Is gaydar a real thing? How often do you hit on straight people straight people before realizing they are straight? -someone8787
I have spot on Bi-Fi. It’s weird how accurate I am
It’s definitely a thing. Though it’s never 100% accurate and it’s really hard to describe the exact signs, there’s just subtle signals that let gay people recognize each other more easily. I’ve personally never hit on a straight person before, and I’ve even called some of my friends being gay years before they came out to me.
It’s generally subtle fashion choices, codes, or body language
Do you feel like it’s genuinely getting better or heading in the right direction regarding equality and it just being considered as ‘normal’ or regular as any other relationship or lifestyle x -riche1988
In my country I think the shift is definitely more positive towards acceptance.
Teenagers now just don’t care what you identify as, when I came out my teenage sisters were just like yeah and then told me about their friend’s identity and their own. It was a normal conversation not weird or hushed.
A lot of my friends are starting to hit that age where they’re complaining about younger people and while there are definitely certain trends and whatnot that the don’t understand and definitely find stupid it’s extremely nice to see just how progressive people currently in high school are. I love that shit.
Like others have said. It depends where you live. I live in the south of US and it actually causes very few issues in my life. I hardly ever think about it, honestly. I do get weird looks on job sites, in particular, when I talk about my wife.
I feel like representation is improving gradually (although not for all groups as mentioned in other questions about representation) but people’s actual attitudes are still quite backwards overall (from my experience). I live in a major city and my gay friends for example will never kiss their partners in public or even hold hands on public transport. Equally when I was in a lesbian relationship I received a lot of unwanted attention when being affectionate in public. Even “positive” attention e.g. people smiling at you or like being weirdly friendly because it’s highlighting that it’s “different” and just feels shitty. Others may have different experiences though but when I’m in a het relationship (I’m bisexual) I cuddle my partner in public and am aware of this difference.
Are you annoyed when people ask you a lot of questions? Or any at all?
-Coolscee_Gaming
Depends what the question is, but I’m usually very open and I’m always happy to help.
The opposite actually.
As someone who isn’t out yet to my family, I like it when friends or people online ask me about my bisexuality because it allows me to express myself and get used to talking about it.
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