Lindsay
As the headline explains, things are going to get a little NSFW here. But if you can slip away to the bathroom or sift through some unappealing tips, you could save your life.
Redditor ImpostorIsRed posted in the r/AskReddit subreddit, asking fellow redditors to share some tips with a twist. That twist being not safe for work.
And the question turned out to be a brilliant idea, because the first comment has some great information on identifying internal bleeding and the good tips keep on comin’.
We’re rounded up 20 of the most important, because dear reader, we want you to live.
1. Not poop
if your shit looks like coffee grounds and is pitch black, its not poop…. its old blood. I had internal bleeding i found out after talking to my brother who is a medic in the army on the phone and i joked about my shit….. ended up having a fun hospital visit.
turned out to be fine but it was a scare.
2. Obvious, but you may need a reminder
Just remember the ABCs
A
Bone
Comingouttheskinisverybad
3. Survive a smothering
If someone is trying to smother you with a pillow, stay very calm. Don’t fight it, and turn your head to the left or right. Most smothering deaths are due to the panic rather than an actual loss of air.
4. A new purpose for your missing socks
If you have a bat for self defense put a sock on it, if the intruder grabs the bat you yank the bat away, so they will only have the sock, but it only works once.
5. DO NOT remove it
If you get stabbed with, or impaled on, something sharp and the item stays in you, don’t try and remove the item – no matter how instinctively appealing it might be to try and remove it.
The item remaining inside you will increase your chances of reducing blood loss, not developing shock, and staying alive.
6. Be nice to butts
be gentle with your own or other people’s assholes.
Wounds in that department can take years and surgery to recover
7. How to jump off a cliff 101
If you ever find yourself plunging into water from a high place, straighten out your body, lean back slightly, and close your asshole with all your strength.
8. Put boomboxes on the ground
Don’t keep heavy items up on the headboard. Like boomboxes. No boomboxes on the headboard. Concussions are not something to joke about.
9. Do NOT move
If a guy had an accident and gets an erection don’t move him!
10. ALWAYS pee after
Always piss after sex. My ex got a brutal kidney infection from not doing this. Can save you a lot of pain
11. If you get approached for a fight, strip
People are not mentally prepared to fight a naked man or woman.
12. A kidney-function taste test
If you go down on someone (male or female) and it’s really, really salty, that person might have kidney problems. When kidneys stop functioning properly the electrolytes start exiting the body via the skin, instead of being peed out. You could also lick their shoulder. 😆
13. Guys, too!
Guys, after having anal sex: piss and wash. Else you can get a nasty UTI or prostate infection.
14. Guys can also use pregnancy tests
if you’re a man and you pee on a pregnancy test and it comes up positive, go to the doctor and get an screening ASAP for testicular cancer. There’s a hormone in testicular cancer similar to when someone pregnant pees on a pregnancy test. I saw this somewhere else and I hope to get the word around. Hope this helps.
15. In case you’re around chlorine gas
If you are ever the victim of a Chlorine Gas attack…
Pee into a towel or handkerchief or something that will retain the urine and use it to cover your mouth, nose and eyes while you search for an exit.
The urea in the urine will neutralize the chlorine gas, rendering it inert, giving you time to save your own life.
16. Pass it on
If you have an anaphylactic allergy to a food or a medication, it absolutely can be passed through semen or vaginal fluid.
If your partner is on a medication you are allergic to or has eaten a food you are allergic to, it is best to use a barrier method until at least 72 hours after the last ingestion. Going into anaphylaxis through your genitals is HORRIBLE.
17. The telltale sign
A partner that insists you don’t need a condom is a very good reason to use a condom.
18. Cussin’ kids
Teach your young children to curse if they’re being kidnapped or attacked.
Kids scream “HELP” all the time when playing. They also joke about people not being their mom. They even yell “FIRE!” sometimes. But if I hear a 6 year old start screaming “F**K OFF YOU F**KING C***SUCKER, YOU’RE NOT MY F**KING FATHER” while being carried off, I’m totally gonna look and intercept.
19. Just be weird
Make people as uncomfortable as possible. The weirder you act the more you trigger the instinctive response in others to stay away from you.
Obviously this won’t work every time but I’ve had people challenge me to fights and then back down just because I made them overtly uncomfortable by acting out of turn.
20. Always carry condoms
Condoms can work wonderfully as 1-way valves to help treat sucking chest wounds in emergency situations.
You can view the entire post here.
Lead image: Flickr
