Kate Hackett
I’ve covered men being absolutely boggled by women’s bodies before here, and while I’d argue that that is a LOT more common than the reverse, it seems that some women are also confused by how men’s bodies work. I’m … not entirely sure WHY, it seems like a quick Google would clear these up, but I guess a quick internet shaming via this here list will also do the trick.
u/that_person14 asked on Reddit, “Whats the best example of ‘women not understanding a man’s body’ that you’ve ever heard?” and we got all our answers.
1. Jointed bones
“Met a woman in college who legitimately thought that penises have jointed bones in them, like phalanges or something. … She said she assumed that’s why erections were called boners.”—u/CrackinThunder
2. Ouch!
“One of my exes got it in her head from Cosmopolitan magazine that if she squeezed my balls I’d make a funny noise. The noise I made was, ‘I think I’m gonna go home.'”—u/EffyewMoney
3. Oh, Grandma
“I’ve got a cousin who lost one of his balls. One day, over the years, the conversation came up around my grandma, and she says: ‘It’s a shame. He’ll only ever be able to have boys or girls, but not both once he has kids.’ The whole room went dead quiet until someone was like: ”Scuse me?’ She says: ‘Because he only has one. He can only either have boys or girls.’ I don’t know how long she believed this or even if we truly convinced her otherwise, but she was absolutely sure that one ball made boys and one made girls and that was just how it all worked.”—u/Theearthhasnoedges
4. Two circles
“For most of my teenage years, up until when I started watching porn and having sex, I thought men’s balls were literally separated in two ballsacks, like when you draw a very simplified version of a penis and it’s just two circles for the balls.”—u/Emmazingx
5. Beating it
“When I was a teenager, one of my friends had a sister about three years younger. One day, she asked him how big the stick he used was. Friend was confused, and she clarified: ‘When you beat off, how big is the stick you hit your penis with?'”—u/FrankDrakman
6. Reload
“That we need to reload between rounds.”—u/inbredandapothead
7. It’s not all the time
“A coworker of mine was super disappointed that her partner didn’t have an erection all the time. … Apparently, she went to the bathroom and to get a drink, and he wasn’t hard when she came back. She was sad that she had to break up with him because he’s lying to her about finding her attractive. I’d be in real trouble if I had an erection every time I found someone attractive. I’d also be 11.”—u/EdwardScissorHands11
8. Not always up
“At the age of 25, I had a one night stand, and after I came, she asked why it became flaccid again and thought I didn’t want anymore sex. I’m not sure what kind of power machine her ex was, but she thought that a man was always erect when he was aroused, even after ejaculation.”—u/Scythe95
9. Recovery!
“That different men have different refractory periods (time required to ‘recover’ between orgasms) — some men require mere moments; others require several hours — but this young lady at a work event was convinced that if you couldn’t get hard again within minutes, you obviously weren’t that into it. Another one I overheard in high school was, ‘If he cums a lot, that means he really enjoyed it.’ While this could be true, it is not a guarantee by any margin.”—u/Action-a-go-go-baby
10. It doesn’t always happen
“Sometimes, it simply just won’t get up, and it’s not you!”—u/waqasnaseem07
11. Different surgery
“The number of women who think that after I got a vasectomy meant I no longer had balls was very surprising.”—u/pacman12a
12. Not what that means
“I have a friend who thought that after a vasectomy that there would be no more cum. She was stoked that her husband was getting one to save on cleanup. I had to explain actual sperm makes up a very small amount of the total volume, and the bulk comes from the prostate. She’s a nurse, too, so that’s concerning.”—u/ydwttw
13. Oh my gosh.
“My GF’s female friend was amazed to hear that a man doesn’t have to masturbate every day. She genuinely thought that a man CANNOT hold semen in for more than four days. She is 33 and had three long-term relationships.”—u/hunduk
14. Wet dreams
“My ex-wife had no idea about wet dreams. We had gone about a month without sex, and I hadn’t masturbated in all that time either. So, one morning, I got up and realized I had to change the sheets. [She asked], ‘Why would you just cum on the sheets and sleep in it? Why not just go to the bathroom?’ I had to explain it wasn’t masturbation; it was just an involuntary thing. If you go too many weeks without ejaculating, it’ll come out when you sleep.
“She was flabbergasted. No previous boyfriend ever had this happen. So I explained that if you’re ejaculating regularly, through sex or masturbation, it doesn’t happen.” —u/ToBePacific
15. Produce?
“Every girl who treats my balls like a speed bag or produce they’re checking for ripeness at the market while messing around.”—u/StupidSexyFl4nders69
16. Awww.
“An ex thought that when we sit on the toilet, the penis just casually rests on the toilet seat, enjoying the view.”—u/OhYesIDidd
17. Peeing in the toilet
“Peeing in the toilet with a penis isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. Angle, velocity, weird urethra shenanigans, drunk peeing, groggy peeing, peeing with boners; it’s all very chaotic and messy.”—u/REO-teabaggin
18. Not true, co worker
“I had to enlighten a female coworker once after she made a comment about guys not being able to pee unless we are hard. She was 35 at the time.”—u/stonedrinocerous
19. It’s just unpleasant
“For a very long time, I, a woman, assumed that men COULDN’T pee if you were hard. … It seems most men, but not all, can pee when you’re hard, but you prefer not to because it can be unpleasant and/or take a lot of effort and/or be difficult to aim.”—u/ohdearitsrichardiii
20. Roll it up
“I once heard a girl asking boys if they roll up their dong when they sit down to take a poo.”—u/aachoom
