Every relationship has its communication pitfalls sometimes. Some are almost inevitable, and some . . . maybe a little common sense or life experience could help prevent. So, when Redditor u/ekabhinav posed the question,
“What things [should you] never say to your girlfriend?”
People had some insights to share. Also, some really really really obvious pieces of advice that we sincerely hope no one out there genuinely needs.
1. Comparing her to your exes.
“‘My ex was better at….’
You don’t even need to complete it. Those 5 words is all it takes.”
2. Telling her how hot her mom is.
“When I was younger I heard ‘your mom is hot’ a lot. Just don’t.”
3. “Calm down.”
“Never in the history of calming down has literally anyone ever calmed down because you told them to. It’s like farting on a lit candle—there’s gonna be a fireball and you’re gonna get burned in the most uncomfortable way.”
4. That you’re thoroughly unbothered by hurting her feelings or upsetting her.
“‘Well, I wasn’t thinking about the hurt my words would cause, so therefore neither should you!’ —the asshole’s apology for incorrect shit said during an argument.”
5. That she isn’t funny.
“Once told my girlfriend [in] college she wasn’t funny, and things got nuclear.”
6. Don’t passive-aggressively insult her appearance (really? Someone out there needs to have this explained to them? …really?)
“Backhanded compliments. Example: ‘You look so beautiful without your glasses.'”
7. That she’s crazy.
“‘You’re crazy.'”
8. Don’t micromanage her facial expressions.
“Smile more.”
9. Don’t condescendingly suggest she says stupid or overly impulsive things.
“Think before you speak.”
10. If you find yourself beginning to utter this, ever, just immediately shut the f—k up.
“‘Your period must be coming.'”
11. Most of us are actually pretty rad. So. No more gender exceptionalism. Thx, tho.
“‘You’re not like the other girls.'”
12. Act like special occasions aren’t important, even if you think that secretly they are important to her. (YMMV with this one. Some women genuinely don’t like celebrating certain holidays or occasions.)
“Say, ‘I thought you didn’t like the concept of celebrating valentines day / bday / anniversary.'”
13. If she cooks for you, don’t insult her cooking.
“Don’t let her know her cooking sucks.”
14. Timing is everything.
“Apparently telling her she should be more responsible minutes after she lost her phone is something you shouldn’t say.”
15. To be fair, those soaps are often obscenely expensive.
“I used the guest soaps.”