Kate Hackett
We hear a lot about millennials opting to either not have children altogether or to wait for a long time into their work lives. But it’s not like millennials started the whole thing — in fact, other generations have opted for the same choice. We just don’t hear quite as much about Generation X (those born between the 60s & 80s) and their choice to remain childfree.
Thankfully, AskReddit recently had a post go viral with some super interesting answers about just that.
“People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?” asked u/ADreamyNightOwl.
Here are the best answers!
1. Can’t wait
I explain it to people like this – you know that feeling you get where you just can’t wait to teach your kid how to play baseball or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don’t have that. It’s basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.
2. Helped raise family
I’m almost 50 so I’ll chime in. I never wanted kids, just never had the urge. But I wound up helping raise my niece and nephew after their mom, my sister, died in a car accident when they were 7 and 5 respectively. I didn’t have the full time, but split housing them on weekends while their father worked and his bitchass wife didn’t want them around. I had them every other weekend and about half of each summer for years. They’re now 21 and 19, so I wound up as more parent-ish than aunt. They were a handful so I’m glad I didn’t have any of my own, it was exhausting enough being a part-time parent substitute and, of course, I wish their mom hadn’t passed away. Full time parents, you’re awesome, I couldn’t do it. At least their dad gave me money for all the time I took care of them, sharing my sister’s social security benefits so I could feed and clothe the kids and give them some fun activities and camps.
I love the hell out of them, but still glad I didn’t have babies of my own. They’re good kids, I love them to death, but they’ve also broken my heart a fair few times acting up, making dumb decisions, but all kids do that. I’d beat the ass of anyone who messed with my niece and nephew.
3. Simple
Nope. It was never something I wanted. No regrets.
4. Mixed Feelings
I have mixed feelings. I don’t care much for children and I think it would have been disastrous for us to have them. I was also able to retire at 52. Pretty sure that wouldn’t have happened with kids. So yeah, absolutely the right decision.
But I love my family and I do wonder what it would be like to have my own, to teach my child the things I know and not to be without someone who cares about me at the time of my death.
But again, absolutely the right decision and at 55 I’m very happy NOT to have them. This is reinforced every time I’m exposed to other people’s kids.
5. We decided
My wife and I chose long ago not to have children, but always left it open for renegotiation. We’re 40 now and feel absolutely no regrets about not having children. Still feels like the right choice for us. Hopefully, we’ll still feel that way long into the future.
Lots of folks ask us questions like, “who will take care of you when you’re old?” or “what if something happens to your spouse?” No judgement, but to us, those have always felt like pretty selfish reasons to have children.
6. Abusive relationship
I don’t necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn’t in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least.
7. Patience
I never wanted children. I don’t have the patience. I’d be a worrywart about my kids, too, if I had any, keeping an eye on them all the time to make sure they don’t get hurt. There’s also the fear that I would be the same as my father, and I wouldn’t want to put any children through that.
8. Wife worked in a nursing home
My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learnt that the whole “well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you’re older” line is complete bullshit. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets.
9. He had kids
No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he’s10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn’t even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we’ve been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!
10. Responsibility & cost
No regrets at all. Just said this to my older childfree sister today and we agree on no kids. There are enough responsibilities in life and the costs.
11. Cool aunt & uncle
No and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle.
12. Mostly good
Wasn’t by choice, but yes. I’m happily married and I worry about what will happen to my wife when I die. She’ll be alone. Otherwise, it’s fantastic.
13. Medical probs
Not one bit, and with my medical and other problems, I know I made the right choice.
14. Better for me
57 years old and childless. I don’t regret it at all. I sincerely believe that I would have been a piss-poor mother. I’m an extreme introvert, and seeing my sister with her sprogs clinging to her all the time, wanting something or other — food, attention, a toy, whatever — and calling to her, mommy mommy mommy, convinced me of the wisdom of my decision. If I had had children, I would have been driven to suicide or homicide in short order. My sister’s kids are grown into wonderful young adults, and I love them to death, but I need lots of alone time to remain sane, and you don’t get that with kids. If I’d had them, I might have become one of those horrid humans who feed their kids Benadryl to make them sleep, just for some peace and quiet. Childless is better for me.
15. Alone
54 yrs.old. I’ve lived the past 30 years alone. Presently my dog and I are chillin’ in a nice hotel on a spur of the moment vacation. I’d maybe be a grandfather by now?! I can’t imagine what it would be like to have family. I picture a life lived more “normally” sometimes. All sunshine and roses, white picket fence, etc. but I realize real life isn’t like that. No I don’t regret being childfree or wifefree for that matter. My life can be boring at times but then I look back at all the drama that comes with relationships and think I’ve dodged a bullet. I spent 20 years trying to find a wife to start a family. Then I realized the clock had run out, so fuck it, all the money I’d saved for my future family would be spent on myself. Hmmmmm…what do I want to buy myself for Christmas?
16. Temper
Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don’t think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father. I wasn’t happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn’t want to subject any child to that kind of parenting.
17. Adopt
Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time and most of my earnings. Other peoples’ kids are great. Mostly because they are other peoples’.
When people ask “Who will take care of you when you’re old” I tell them that when I’m 75 I will adopt a 40 year old.
18. Unusual
Hispanic Guy here, close to sixty years old, no I don’t, the fact that I chose to stay child free is very unusual in my culture, and I originally did not intend to be child free I just avoided it having children because I knew I was not really ready, it just progress from there, still, now I know that most men are not entirely ready when it happens, I think I would been a great dad, still I have absolutely no regret!
19. I knew
Best decision I ever made. However it waant so much a decision as a knowledge. I knew from a very early age i would not have kids, just didnt see them in my future and never wanted them. I love my solo, selfish life!!! Do what i want, when i want.
20. No regrets
47, no regrets. I did have stepkids who were 13/8 when I appeared on the scene, and even though their father left me for another woman, I still keep a relationship with them. I love them to death, always will, and will always be a part of their lives so long as they let me.
But I’d never do step-parenting again. Too much stress, too much heartbreak. 😢 Now that the stepkids are adults, the benefits are showing themselves, and they will always be my family. But fuck those years were hard.
And I’m so, so, so fucking glad I never had kid(s) with my irresponsible, cheating, emotionally/verbally abusive ex. It would have just repeated my own upbringing. Broke the cycle, finally, I guess 🤷🏼♀️
