Kate Hackett
The Ask Reddit community fielded another great question today, u/slowskyincog22 asked
“What are some men’s issues that are overlooked?”
And there were some really insightful answers. Check out some of the best below.
1. Insecurity
Insecurity in general. You’re not supposed to show that you have doubts or worries about your abilities or self-image. A man is supposed to be confident, able and self-assured. It’s not okay for men to admit that they lack self-esteem, or that they have genuine problems with their self-image, as they are seen as weaknesses in-and-of themselves.
Other men or women aren’t going to ‘bring you up’. They won’t provide emotional support and tell you it’s okay to be unconfident or to feel shame about who you are – they will simply expect that you should take it on the chin. Not everyone can be ‘that’ guy.
But, for a man, what actually makes you feel like a man is being that guy.
So you kind of walk around pretending that you’re happy, despite the fact that you’re not seen as valuable or as desireable as other men – because in doing so, you would be seen as even less valuable or desireable.
TL:DR; If you feel like shit and are insecure, it’s bad; but if you display that you feel like shit and are insecure – it’s even worse.
Fuck. I’ve never really been able to put that feeling into words before, but that felt insanely good to get off my chest.
2. Isolation
Isolation. I’ve felt this myself, and I’ve done some reading about it. Men tend to become more isolated and lonely as they get older. After a certain point they don’t make an effort to gain friendships and tend to shy away from any type of social engagement. I feel this way, because as of right now, I don’t have a close male friend. At least not someone I can talk to about things going on with me personally. I know a lot of people, but I’m less and less engaged with them as each year passes. It concerns me as of late, because I don’t want to end up a hermit, but without a solid relationship, I could see myself headed this direction in my older years.
3. Abuse
Abuse from women/other men. We’re told to just take it and toughen up, it builds character, puts hair on the chest etc. and we don’t need support or a helping hand. Fuck that.
4. Lack of Good Support
The lack of a good support system. Just because a guy has people that he hangs out with, doesn’t mean he’s comfortable telling them serious personal issues.
5. Mental Health
Mental health. And this is coming from someone who has lived on the ideas of “you’re a guy, get over yourself”. It was taught to me, I didn’t think much of it, and now that I’m about to hit 20, I can feel the effects like a ripple. It’s actually hard for me to open up to people and when I do I feel like I’m wasting everyone’s time.
6. Childcare
I babysit my friend’s kids all the time. One is 3 and the other is 11.
I like to take them out and about to have some fun.
We go eat food, we go to the park, and arcades too. We have a ton of fun, but I always get weird looks from people. They don’t look like me at all because I’m not the father.
I’ve had people interrogate me and it’s weird to me. I’ve been there their entire life and treat them like my own kids, so it kinda hurts.
7. Working
I’m late to the party so this will get lost, but in my experience it feels like dudes are expected to work 70+ hour weeks and be proud of it, or else they’re lazy. Like, nah.
I’m going to be working at least 65 hours next week between two jobs (which is fucking plenty) and that includes both daytime and overnight shifts. If I complain for even a sentence though, I’m going to be shit talked by the crew when they think I can’t hear them.
I’m tired. I like doing things that aren’t work. That shit just isn’t sustainable for some people.
8. Rape
Men who are victims of sexual assault, rape, domestic abuse, male suicide rates, and depression.
9. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse of men. My BF suffered that in both his marriages and I am SO CAREFUL to not say or do anything that could make him feel the way they made him feel. I try very hard to be sure he knows I value him for who he is, just the way he is, every single day. Even he doesn’t know how much damage they caused him.
I will never get over this 1950s assumption that women can’t abuse men. Women abuse men way more often than anyone realizes, and the system is stacked against men in so many different ways.
10. Paternity Leave
The miserable Paternity leaves. Cause what man wants to spend time with his new born kid and a recovering wife right!
11. Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction. It seems like a joke, but guys literally kill themselves because of it. It’s like losing the ability to love, losing your manhood, losing your ability to feel intimate with someone.
12. Shelter Intake
There are almost always more shelters available to women experiencing homelessness. In my city, the split is about 75% beds for women and children and 25% for men.
I understand that society considers women more vulnerable, but I live in a city where it routinely gets below zero in the winter. Hypothermia doesn’t care about your gender.
13. Tears
You can’t cry. You can’t have emotional issues. You are supposed to know the answer to all problems.
14. Finding childcare
I am a single father with primary custody of a school-age child with little social support in my area. I was also the stay at home parent while I went back to college and completed my degree.
It is damn near impossible to find good childcare. My female work friends volunteer but then bail at the last minute. I’m looked at as a threat by husbands of my son’s classmate parents. I find that I’m often the only guy at the playground and get sideways glances from the cliques of women who go there. If I hire a babysitter I have to make sure I’m overly-cautious about respecting boundaries (if I’m even able to have a babysitter watch my child). Also, the normal competition among female mothers gets amplified and I’m often looked-down on as a parent. I don’t fit in with working guys who just want to go out and get a beer because I have a child to take care of and women often reject me on online dating sites simply because I have a child.
I love my son and would do anything in the world for him. I feel like I’ve done a lot, but men in my situation have zero to little support or infrastructure to manage as a single, full-time parent in society. Men can be just as good parents as women and society needs to normalize this pronto.
15. Baldness
Male pattern baldness and the impact it can have on mental health and body image. Imagine being in college surrounded by guys with perfect NW1 hairlines with all these cool fades and modern trendy hairstyles while you’re stuck looking like Moby or Varys from GOT. Brutal.
16. Physical Abuse
I saw a woman attempting to hit her boyfriend outside a local supermarket. He walked away from her. She followed him and kept hitting him. After this went on for about 90 seconds he shoved her away roughly once.
2 cars immediately stopped and men jumped out of them shouting at and threatening this guy for shoving her.
Nobody did anything when she was attacking him.
17. Body Shaming
The consequences of body shaming, it has the same effect on men as it does women. No one likes to be insulted, no matter who you are. Just because we are a different sex, does not mean our minds are so vastly different that we react differently to even the most basic of things. SOME women think we are emotionless, meant to serve them. Sorry if I had worded this wrong.
18. Height Shame
Height is a common thing to joke about, nobody sees a problem with it but it can really whittle away at your self-worth when people always make fun of you for it.
Lead image: Unsplash
