Kate Hackett
“How did you get in here?” asks your nearest ghoulish companion as you both sort through 2020 election ballots for the rest of eternity.
“Well…” you start to answer.
What comes is a reflection of your life — and the answer to this Reddit thread by u/Ok-Reaction-5644:
“You die and get sent to hell but Satan shakes your hand and says “I’m glad I finally got to meet you,” what did you do?”
1. Mother in Law
Persuaded my dead mother-in-law to move out of hell.
2. Emails
Did not forward that email I received in 2008 saying that If I did not, I would go to hell.
3. Rock Off
Beat Tenacious D in a rock-off.
4. THIS GUY
I created mobile ads with transparent close button…..
5. Church
I jacked it in the church bathroom.
I’m not proud.
6. Wrong Order
I put milk.. before the cereal.
7. Quicker
Ehh… there’s a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell and I sure as hell don’t feel like climbing any stairs.
8. Car Park
Christmas time. Shopping mall car parks are chaos. I’ll be walking through the car park with bags off Shopping and see people in cars looking for people about to leave, I stop, look at a car, put my bags down pull my keys out, someone in their car sees me and indicates to my direction to claim the park. I pick my bags up and keep walking.
9. Gamer Hell
Invented micro transactions in video games
10. Moral Philosophy
I used almond milk in my coffee, even though I knew about the negative environmental impact!
11. Star Wars
Me: So basically calling out the Star Wars Jedi for being a toxic, near religious group that cause the Force to go out of balance by imposing a light heavy “order”, is what got me sent here?
Satan: Yeah. People don’t like it when you talk trash about Obi Wan.
Me: I WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS EMPLOYERS!
12. Roasted
A literal murder by words. I roasted somebody so hard, their bodily functions just stopped.
13. Hot Cubes
I told my nephews hot ice cubes were a thing when they complained about the bath being too cold…
And I proceeded to pour those icecubes into the bath water
14. Ice Cream
I finished the ice cream and then left the empty container in the fridge.
15. Pop Ups
I invented popup ads and the thing that makes you disable ad blocker before you can visit a website
16. Mitch
Die as Mitch McConnell.
17. Gee, who was this.
I openly broke every one of the ten commandments with relish and then successfully ran for President of the most powerful country in the world on the back of a wave of support from the god squad by appealing to their racism, homophobia, and misogyny.
